Lost

Day 118. Lost.

Nope, not me. I'm on a collision course with something good. I've been practicing for it my whole life. I thought I'd found it, then lost it. Found it again, lost it again. See the pattern? Exactly. Sometimes when you think you have finally found what you're looking for, you realize you weren't even looking at the right map.

Navigate by the same star, unwilling to change, and you find yourself not only off-course but lost. Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever.

Having started off on the wrong foot from childhood, I was eager to find happiness. Willing to sacrifice many things to find that happiness, to give up part of myself for it. And of course, failed miserably. Any time you have to give up something to get something in return, you lose. No, that's not compromise: that's changing who you are. And if you have to do that, you're going down the wrong road from the start. Compromise is freely doing something because it's the right thing to do, and if you're doing it for someone besides yourself... well, that's still not compromise. Correcting your course because you realize it needs done, making moves to right your sails: that's for you, and that's compromise.

I finally figured out I had to find out who I was before I could even begin to find someone to share life with. I was indeed lost. I knew I was not who some would have me believe, or what they tried to turn me into. I was missing some pieces, but determined to put myself back together. Somewhere along the way, someone found a few of those pieces. Several someones, I think. Even when I glued it back together, I was still missing some of them. I'm not even sure that I've found them all yet.

Lesson One Hundred Eighteen: Finding your star is easy, catching it proves to be more difficult. Worth the effort, so don't worry if you get a little lost.

612 to go...