Fearless

“The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we are afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we will lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.” - Richard Bach, One.

Fear is the mind-killer. Yep, Frank Herbert had it right, all those decades ago, in his Dune novels. If we fear, we don't act. Inaction causes.... nothing. Not a damn thing happens. Then when nothing happens, we fear that as well.

I choose to find happiness. I choose to find love. I choose to search for what I need, what we all crave. Someone to share those quiet moments with, to hold us in the dark when we aren't quite as fearless as we wish. Someone to catch our eye across a room, and hold it for just long enough that we know.... we just know. Someone to make me laugh at the silly things, to make me shed tears of joy until I can't breathe. Someone that provokes me to think, about serious topics, about things I can do to make the world better.

And I can't do any of that if I'm afraid.

 I choose to fight fear. I choose to live on my own terms, even when sometimes I forget to set those terms. Which is why I count on people that read the blog to kick me in the ass, to remind me that I'm being slack. I do an okay job of starting a post, but then I feel like I'm repeating myself, so I stop and think. And thinking is dangerous business, let me tell you. I talk myself out of a lot of brilliant ideas by thinking about them too much.

Fight the fear. Fight for happiness. Fight for love. How? By being ALL IN. No hesitation. No holding back. NO WALLS. No false bravado.

By Being Fearless.

Honesty

“Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully.” - Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Complicated sentence, that one. Makes you have to put your thinking cap on. Calculate when your heart intersects your ego. Maths are hard.

Most people don't intend to be be selfish, but it's the default setting for human nature. We feel ourselves superior, more important. Doesn't everyone around us see how special we are, and that we must be attended to? Unless you've had a crappy life, maybe even been gas-lighted, your self esteem doesn't stop at your front door. Your confidence creates your kingdom. Learning to temper that is where conscience comes from.

Those who don't tame their selfishness often end up alone. Nobody wants to share a life with a maniacal partner, one who thinks of themselves without consideration of others. While perfectly normal to be selfish, normal people learn to feel badly when they take advantage, when they trample feelings.

The guilt often comes quietly: the look in another's eyes when you've shattered their heart, the quiet that follows your tantrum. Figuring out that you were the one out of control is easier than accepting the responsibility for it. That ego just won't accept the burden of conscience.

We are all masters of our own fate. No one can hurt us without getting our permission, however succinctly. The reality of the pain we allow ourselves isn't lessened when we realize it was our own doing. Like the selfish prat that throws his toys in a fit of pique` and then wonders why no one wants to play with him, our conscience nags us to be better if we expect another outcome. Hearts aren't toys, and relationships shatter under the weight of one's humanity.

Distance

“He's changing. Every day more remote, protected, distant. He builds fests now for the soulmate he hasn't found, bricking wall and maze and mountain fortress, dares her to find him at the hidden center of them all Here's an A in self-protection from the one in the world he might love and who might someday love him.”


Always with the walls, aren't we? Building them higher, reinforcing them with stronger bricks, and of course we want spikes on the top. If nobody can get in, we can't be hurt, right?

Nope. All we're doing is running ourselves ragged, the race lost because the one thing we most desire we have kept from ourselves. We've only managed to become isolated from the companionship, the trust, the love. There we are, behind that moat of protection, watching the world from behind locked doors. Enough distance between us and them (whoever "they" are,) and our hearts are safe and sound. And lonely as hell.

My story today has more truth than I wish to admit. I don't want to be the one on the inside, alone and cold. I want to be the one sitting on the top of the highest turret in the castle, holding hands and watching the sunset. Protectionism cannot end well, yet I remain elusive and vague. While I wait.... for what, exactly, I'm not sure. But I know I won't get hurt in the meantime.

I have GOT to get off my ass and do better. I have GOT to put myself out there. No more hiding behind the electrified walls of the internet, or the casual acquaintances that are discarded like stale bread.

You too, okay? Let's try this together. I'll keep sharing my story, you go out and write a new chapter in yours.

Cloudy, with a chance of rain...

Pretty much sums up the week.... I'd make the excuse I had nothing to write about, but actually I've been nursing a sore knee/thigh/something that keep me off the PC a lot. But it's better with the rest, as usually is the case.

I'm okay with the rain, it's way more beneficial than harmful. Imagine what the world would be like without it. Just take a look at the Middle East, most of Africa. A dry wasteland, people moving constantly chasing food and water, a battle for survival. I read a lot of post-apocalyptic books, and all of them deal with a lack of drinkable water as a major issue. Even when the planet is destroyed by floods, it's always the water they need to survive.

The rain also puts most of us in a mood. If you're a happy soul, you get frustrated when you can't go outside and do things. If you happen to be someone who suffers any sort of depression, it drives you further down the rabbit hole. It doesn't take much to turn sadness into a serious funk: dark and stormy weather certainly never helps.

Enjoy the rain, if you can. And remember: it can't rain forever.