Obstacles

“Everything is exactly as it is for a reason. The crumb on your table is no mystical reminder of this morning's cookie, it is there because you have chosen not to remove it. No exceptions.”  ― Richard Bach, Illusions

What's in your way? Most likely, YOU. Things are exactly as they should be, according to the plans you've put in place. Not working out like you expected? Look in that mirror, you are in control of both right and wrong.

I like to think I never planned for my life as it is now. But in the back of my mind, I know I did. I never gave up my independence, so when I needed to stand on my own, I could. It's not always easy, but here I am. I never wanted any of it, but here it is. No, that's wrong. I wanted to be happy, and I am. No matter what happened to get me there.

The reasons we are happy (or sad) belong to us. We make our own choices. It may take some time for them to come around, so don't forget what you asked for. It's different for us all, happiness varies from person to person. But the road to it is paved the same for each: with pieces of those we love, shards of our past, and hope eternal.

The choice you made twenty years ago that just turned south? That was your doing. On the path to joy. Yet another reason to be ALL IN and make wise decisions. When that grand plan of yours works out, it may be when you least expect it and certainly don't deserve it. You let it play out all that time, and NOW you're surprised at what happened? Nothing mystical in that, you set the whole thing up.

Look carefully into your future, and be sure you want what you think you want. 

Hurt

“We choose, ourselves, to be hurt or not to be hurt, no matter what. Us who decides. Nobody else.”  ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

And yes, we do give that power to others, quite often and in error. It's not easy to take the blame for our pain, but we allow it. You can't be heartbroken over how someone treats you if you keep that power for yourself. But how do we do that? Doesn't that mean we aren't "ALL IN," if we hold back? Sit, readers, time for a lesson...

ALL IN does not mean you get stupid. You live in a bad neighborhood. You wouldn't leave your house unlocked, your car unlocked, etc., right? That's just asking for trouble. Also known as stupid. Same thing with your heart. You want to give it up, don't be in that "bad neighborhood." You've done your research, made sure that you're in the right place, with the right person. No do-overs, so be sure. Otherwise, you're handing over the keys to a stranger. If you don't know their heart, don't give them yours. Because that's... well, stupid.

ALL IN also has a flip side: COMPLETELY OUT. Some people deserve that more than we realize. By keeping people in our lives that don't have our best interests at heart, we hand over the entire set of keys. Not just our hearts, but our minds, our souls, even our physical well-being. Keep them at as much distance as possible, and you won't have that hurt. The hurt you allow. What we condone is what we approve. They don't deserve you, don't let their toxicity hurt you. 

YOU are the master of your own happiness, as well as your own pain. Don't stop thinking, play seven level chess if you have to. Game out your reactions: if you can't shut the door to keep from being hurt, don't even answer the bell. 

Baggage

“We choose our next world through what we learn in this one. Learn nothing, and the next world is the same as this one, all the same limitations and lead weights to overcome.”  ― Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull


We all come with the trappings of our past. Ex-spouses, children, bad habits, emotional scars. We choose to let it become baggage but clinging to it. There's comfort in what you know, but with that comfort comes pain. Past experiences as kids form us into the adults we become, full of fear and distance. We allow the lessons to color our future, while all along we have the power to take those crayons from the teachers and break them in half. 

We create our own heavens. And our own hells. Sometimes we drag ourselves back into them, when we've taken a few blows and are feeling vulnerable. Misery loves company, and wallowing in the past that we allowed gives us a ticket straight back to it. It's a constant fight to be positive, since being miserable is so easy. Learning how to be happy isn't something our families teach us. They just want us to survive to adulthood, where we're expected to figure things out on our own. There are no lessons in success: that seems to be OJT. 

Casting off the past is tiresome work. I've grown weary of arguing: my childhood had many wasted hours watching family fight over the stupidest things. I still try to avoid arguments, but when I am in one, look out. I have to have the last word. Bad habit. But I can't completely break it. That lesson hasn't been completed. I also am not good at second chances. I don't expect them, so I find it hard to give them. Never got a break in my life, so it's difficult to grant one.

Drop those lead weights, my readers. Much easier to fly without them...

Challenges

"It isn’t the challenge that faces us that determines who we are and what we are becoming, but the way we meet the challenge: whether we toss a match at the wreck or work our way through it, step by step, to freedom.”  ― Richard Bach, Nothing by Chance

Of course our actions matter the most. Not when we fold our cards and walk away, but when we put all our chips in and draw to an inside straight. Nobody ever said this thing called life would be easy, and if they did THEY LIED! A constant battle to keep our heads above water: sometimes we're lucky to dog paddle, other days we're floating on our backs without a care in the world. I'm more scared then than on bad days: the good ones sometimes allow us to let our guard down a little too much.

I've said before I'm not a risk taker, but I'm also not a doom and gloom person either. I try to take each day and each event on its merits. Just because it's Monday doesn't necessarily mean it will suck. 95% chance, but that five percent just might be while you're buying a lottery ticket or getting a great haircut! I am not much of an optimist, more of a realist. Show me that five percent that has an open door to success, and I'll make something good of it. 

Sometimes the best solution is to toss that match. Not everything (or everyone) is salvageable. I've walked away from things that others told me I would regret leaving. I've also stuck out relationships that would send many screaming to the hills. Knowing the difference is a fine line. I don't always have the timing down, but I eventually get the idea and pick up the gasoline can. No bridges left to cross, keeps the stragglers from chasing you down.

Perspective

What we make of it is up to us, as the painting of the sunrise is up to the artist. - Richard Bach, One

I'm a sunrise and a sunset person, I see beauty in the new and old of each day. Indeed, what is made of it is up to us. We can marvel at the purple hues of dawn, and still be amazed that the same orb glows orange as pumpkin as it settles in the west. We can prefer the beginning of the day, fresh and without spoil; or enjoy the moments before nightfall, reflecting on the events before sleep.

Life throws us sunrises and sunsets on a regular basis. We get challenged daily, sometimes hourly. Do this, do that, do the right thing. Sometimes we're still working on one thing when another kicks in. And each decision affects the next. Make a wrong turn here, the next step is off a cliff. But what if its not a wrong turn, and you were supposed to step off the cliff? Maybe there's a bridge just a few feet below that is waiting for you. Maybe you have to make those wrong decisions to find the right ones that you never would have seen otherwise.

Every choice we make is personal, yet affects those around us. We take that into consideration, but still have to make our own way. Dig our own holes, and even step in them. Sometimes they're best used to bury the bones of bad decision. Cover them up, and step over them as we go on our way. I've twisted my ankle on some holes I forgot to fill in, but I always climb out. Nothing happens that is not of our own making, but the solutions are always within us.

Here

“I’m here not because I am supposed to be here, or because I’m trapped here, but because I’d rather be with you than anywhere else in the world.”  ― Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever

Given the choice, I wouldn't change a thing. Maybe some of the circumstances, maybe a few of the players, but for the most part, I am right where I want to be. Anything that needs to be different, I have to work that out for myself.

I'm not happy being alone, but I'm not miserable. Sharing the little things is great, but I don't miss dirty socks in the floor and the toilet seat being left up in the middle of the night. I'm not one of those people who need someone else to complete my life. A partner has to be the right one, not just any one. I'd rather spend eternity alone than be with settle for someone. How's that quote go? "If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing. Timing. But timing's a bitch." Yeah. A HUGE bitch, as Deuce Bigelow said.

I'm good with my friends. After the political year from HELL, and sorting out those who are apparently not who I thought they were, I have a core group that are family. Some others have went their merry way, by their own choice. A few others, I set loose with a "see ya, wouldn't want to be ya." I spend more time with online friends than real life ones, but I don't think there's much difference to me. Time and space don't hold us apart. Well, unless we let them.

So here I am. Queen of my castle, master of my fate. I have only myself to blame if things aren't what I want. And I have the power to make it different. I'm not necessarily supposed to be here, certainly not trapped here, but without a doubt it's where I want need to be.

Measurements

"You measure your life by what you learn, not by counting how many calendars you've seen. If you're going to have trauma, better it be the shock of discovering the fundamental principle of the universe than some date predictable as next July.” ― Richard Bach, Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit

Almost birthday time for me, so I can wax nostalgic about the years gone by, or the ones that lie ahead. I spend enough moments looking back, time to open up to what might be. No sense wasting time on what you can't change, just learn from it and keep on keeping on.

Lesson learned Part One: Don't allow yourself to be sucked into toxic relationships. Once you've identified them, there's only one thing to do: RUN. RUN FAR AWAY. Nobody deserves you in their life if they've hurt you. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can change them. You'll change yourself by accepting them, and they will hurt you again. 

Lesson learned Part Two: Always let people know how you feel, even if you don't like them. Don't waste your time, or theirs. Everyone you love should be able to recall the last time you said "I love you." If they can't, you need to remedy that. Now. There are no guarantees of another moment, so don't let this one go. ALL IN. Likewise, your time with people you can barely tolerate should be minimized. Move along. See Lesson One above.

Lesson learned Part Three: Never say anything you haven't thought out. You can NEVER take anything back. People say they forgive you for your words, but they lie. Not intentionally, but they can never forget. Without that, there is no forgiveness. Think long and hard about what you say, when you do say it. You will never be the same once you speak, particularly in anger. No do-overs.

Hey, those all really say the same thing. I guess I only learned one lesson. So far. 

Yours

“I wanted to say, for the love of God, if you want freedom, can't you see it's not anywhere outside of you? Say you have it, and you have it! Act as if it is yours, and it is!" - Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Out of the hundreds of people I've shared that book with, I only remember two that gave back the copies I handed them to read.I think they had issues with Shimoda sharing the secrets of being a messiah. Disturbing to some, I'm sure, who don't dare to continue reading. Learning the secret for yourself seems a daunting task, but oh what freedom it brings.

Shimoda talks of Jesus' miracles. Feeding a crowd with only a few loaves and some fish. Walking on water. Healing the affirmed. We all know the parables: the Son of God among men, teaching and showing the power of faith. Is it so hard to believe that with of it, we too can make the world better? Some think it vain to think humans can perform "miracles," but aren't we also children of God?

When we put our minds to something, we can accomplish much. With faith that we CAN do it, we push ourselves harder, work ourselves more. Knowing God has our back gives our courage to do great things. For ourselves, and others. 

If you can will it, you can change it. If you can dream it, you can become it. It doesn't take much imagination (or faith) to realize that we all have the ability to make miracles happen. That's what Shimoda tells us in "Illusions:" to have a little faith, put your shoulder into it, and see what happens.

Happy

“I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy. ”  ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

But oh, what is that happiness??? Things that made me happy for decades somehow lost their shine. Did they change, or did I? Yeah, I know. Trick question. I bet it was me. Without even realizing it.

I think that's where people make their biggest mistakes. They believe things have changed, when all along its THEM. Marriage seems boring? Spouse no longer fun to be around? Caught up in endless fights about money? Step back, and look harder. Maybe because you've changed your standard of living you have to work more, and both of you are tired and just want a nap. The relationship seems foul, but the situations that affect it are the problem. Work at improving those things, and watch the good times return. 

Your job. BORING. Used to be a good to accomplish your tasks, and get a pat on the back, maybe even a nice raise. Now, companies want more for less. Forget a raise, just bust your ass to keep your job. Because you've now adjusted to that thinking. there's no happy. Go back to school, learn a new trade, maybe even find a complete new field to transfer to: make work less like work. 

We make our own misery, and our own happiness. Don't let one keep you from the other. You're the one in control. How long will you settle for less than you deserve? Especially when you have no one else to blame. 

Slacker

“Any powerful idea is absolutely fascinating and absolutely useless until we choose to use it.”  ― Richard Bach, One

Yep, I'm a slacker. Missed blogging last night. I was.... tired. Shabby excuse, but the truth. I blame the snow, disrupting my life. Today's quote is true: unless we apply our ideas, they are useless.

I write a lot every day, besides blogging. Being a detail-oriented person, my work emails are often Tl;dr things. That's shorthand for "too long;didn't read," for those who raised an eyebrow at it. I use lots of words and reference previous emails, attaching them to make it easier on the reader. Good idea, but then I get the question that shows they didn't bother to read the attachment. Applied, unsuccessfully. Too often. 

I also write wordy posts on Facebook sometimes. Usually in group conversations, so unless you're in a political group with me, you are spared the ramblings. I have lots of ideas there too, but sadly the government is uninterested. At least my Senator knows me by name. Maybe one day they'll consider my solutions.

As mentioned earlier this week, I'm not a risk taker. I am an idea maker, however. I think someone should figure out how to preserve a fresh tomato so you can reconstitute it months later, just as fresh. None of those pale pink greenhouse things, a real vine-ripened in the field tomato. Also, a personal weather bubble that doesn't interfere with activity. So I can sit outside and read anytime I want, never too hot or cold. Like a force field, maybe? I don't have answers, I have ideas, LOL.

I've tried sharing the ideas I have about life, love, loss, etc. with you. To moderate success, I consider more than two other people reading a post a success. I appreciate the positive (and negative) feedback. Your humble writer is just putting her thoughts on the screen, without pattern or prejudice. The only starting point I have is a quote from Richard, from one of his books. If you haven't read them, SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! You should at a minimum read Illusions: The Adventures of A Reluctant Messiah. Then you might understand where I get some of my crazy ideas. 

In a later book, Richard tells of a fan asking where he gets his ideas. "From the idea fairy, the shower fairy, the 3 am fairy: anywhere they pop into my mind!" Which is pretty much true for me. Usually I'm listening to TV while surfing the web, and something catches my ear. Sometimes someone on Facebook has posted something that got me thinking. A dangerous thing, that. 

Anyway, this is now in Tl;dr territory. Winding it down, I will strive to put those ideas into action a little better. Instead of just writing them down, maybe I'll actually put some effort into them. 

XX

Control

“The world is your exercise book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, though you may express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write lies, or nonsense, or to tear the pages.”  ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Control. Do we really have it, or do we just think we do? Are we really in charge of our own lives, or is God sitting on high watching us screw things up? Can we expect to get a swift kick in the ass when He sees us running with scissors? I think not. We have free will, which allows and even encourages us to choose our own way.

It's dangerous business. Live too wild, you risk much. Physical injury, loss of income, others question our judgment and lose respect. There's a balance between being the craziest person everyone knows, and a fun-loving friend who always lives on the edge. Your work can suffer, your romantic life may not even exist, and you might find yourself alone when you're fifty because everyone else settled down and you kept running through the red lights. 

I'm..... not a huge risk taker. I don't even buy scratch-off lottery tickets. I have a dollar in my hand, I'll still have a dollar when your ticket doesn't win. I only know one person who hit it big, and that was 20+ years ago. The odds are NOT in your favour. I've sky-dived, which is probably the biggest adventure in my life so far. Still have lots of places to see and things to do on my bucket list, but risking life and limb isn't part of my plan.


I will continue to make people think. And laugh. Two of my finer qualities, actually of my few redeeming ones. I'm rather stubborn, I don't share well, and I have been known to speak my mind regardless of the outcome. I believe making people think is a positive thing: stagnant minds are a waste, use that brain to change your path. Don't forget to wear clean underwear, just in case. 

I'm glad you're following my journey. Wherever it takes us both, I hope to make it worth the blisters. 

Progress

“We are each given a block of marble when we begin a lifetime, and the tools to shape it into sculpture. We can drag it behind us untouched, we can pound it to gravel, we can shape it into glory. Examples from every other life are left for us to see, lifeworks finished and unfinished, guiding and warning. Near the end our sculpture is nearly finished, and we can smooth and polish what we started years before. We can make our progress then, but to do it we must see past the appearances of age.”  ― Richard Bach, One

Some people see their gray hair and wrinkles as signs of getting older. Hard to accept that, when you see people in their twenties gone gray, or someone in their seventies whose face seems timeless. Maybe some people sculpt their blocks of marble more carefully than others, while others run at full speed through a field of diamonds that chip away at the stone quickly and without notice.

I think I started out hiding behind my block of marble. Hoping not to attract the angry attention from adults that didn't have my best interest at heart. Then I found my feet, and decided to use the stone as a weapon, to fight back against something I thought only I could see. Turns out that others saw, but in their own fear, could only watch and hope their presence would protect me. Things didn't work out like that, but I found that I could defend myself and that the silence of others doesn't mean they don't care. They are sometimes scared, too. 

I also learned to sculpt my marble with humor. I created a persona that allowed me to escape the bad things, while making others laugh. The stone wasn't always pretty, but it got attention and laughs. When you're near the ground on the totem pole of life, those things mean more than you would imagine. "Be forever a clown" is one of the best pieces of advice I got in my life, as well as a wonderful compliment. 

Then the rough marble got some delicate treatment, being a mother and a wife for a long time. There were some bumps, and a really big fall in 2002. Into a pit of loss that tried its best to suck me under forever. But my stone came with a life jacket, and we climbed out of that muck on a mission. To be better, to love harder, to be ALL IN. I've spent over a decade wiping off the grime, because I know I am the only one that can. I control my fate. I choose my path.

A brutal life polishes a stone, especially when we're not watching. Those diamonds in the store window weren't created quickly. They tumbled under the soil for years, rubbing against each other until they started to shine. Much like those of us who have a few years on us, you don't notice the brilliance until we take the time to wash off the dirt.

Smarts

“Finally I came to think that maybe everything we need to know, ever, about anything, is already within us, waiting till we call for it.”  ― Richard Bach, A Gift Of Wings

Of course. How else do you explain how how mothers "just know" what their babies need? How do people learn to ride a bike, until we need to? How can children be musical geniuses? Because we seek out those gifts, and the knowledge is there.

I've always had a thing for words. I was reading as many books as possible as a kid, having a grandmother that worked for a publishing house helped. Actually got in trouble in elementary school for not answering the teacher, because I was reading a library book hidden inside my textbook. I knew the answer, but was deep in thought. I think I wrote my first poems in sixth grade. Then some lyrics in high school, when my first love was in a rock band. I never sent anything in for publication until I was maybe 21, but lo to my surprise I was recorded. And became a published poet. And then hit a wall and didn't write crap for a decade. Okay, two decades. 

The internet opened up writing again, I could converse online with some witty comments or knowledge. When I needed a voice, I found it. I made friends in NASCAR forums, cat discussion forums, political forums. Then came Facebook. 2007 was when I signed up, and never looked back. Didn't start blogging until 2008, when politics encroached in my life and I had to speak up. 

I saw a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon once that described me well. The teacher asked Calvin an question about math, to which he had no answer. He replied that he couldn't tell her that answer, but he knew all the Marvel superheros and their powers. The last frame featured him bemoaning to Hobbes that he wasn't stupid, he just had a thorough command of totally useless knowledge. I felt his pain.

It's really only useless until we need to use it. Call up your passion, your strength, and watch as you amaze yourself.

Earn that A!!!!

“He's changing. Every day more remote, protected, distant. He builds fests now for the soulmate he hasn't found, bricking wall and maze and mountain fortress, dares her to find him at the hidden center of them all Here's an A in self-protection from the one in the world he might love and who might someday love him.”    ― Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever

Good old self-protection. Hide behind things you are comfortable with, to keep from.facing something you aren't. Build those walls, dig a moat, maybe even set something afire! 

Rather than give people a chance to see who we really are, we retreat. To our safe place, behind the mask. Every day, adding a new layer to that wall. If they can't get to us, they can't hurt us.

Because it's so much better alone. Inside those stony walls we built. 

Sometimes, we're just plain foolish. 

Jewels

“You don’t want a million answers as much as you want a few forever questions. The questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, bring you just the answers you need just the minute you need them.”  ― Richard Bach, Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit

Hindsight being 20/20, we can look back at the events of our lives and marvel at the lessons we missed. I know I would like to have written a letter and sent it back in time to my early self. "DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!!!" would probably be the best advice. Whoever "them" might be, I wish I'd trusted myself more and others less. We've all been burnt by those we thought loved us, that were looking out for us. Lessons learned, hopefully not too late.

One thinks you can always trust family. But not if they have the crazy. Find that out early enough, and you save yourself a lot of heartache. You are not required to love, contact, or even acknowledge those who do you harm. Not even family. Some people are just toxic, and should be avoided. I missed some of my grandparents last years due to a nutty parent, but we knew that we loved each other. They understood why I couldn't and wouldn't be anywhere near the crazy. Sometimes you have to save yourself.

Those friends that said they always had your back? Closer to stick the knife in, if you aren't watching. Choose wisely, and choose few. You lose focus in a large group, and someone will be talking smack about you. Then you have to get all stabby too, and nobody likes that. Exit their drama, and you'll be better off in the end.

Co-workers. Lawdy. If you watch from enough of a distance, you see that work is not much unlike high school. Hell, junior high sometimes. Flirty women (at work? really?) and bragging men (boys.) Finger-pointing when things are bad, attention-grabbing when they're good. Knowing who is real and who is fake can save your career. Hooking up with the wrong crowd can get you the wrong kinds of attention.

Just remember that the shiny things are often a distraction from what's real. Pick up a few chunks of coal along the way. Crack a few open, and see what's inside. Save a few, and watch them turn into diamonds.

Wings

“The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”  - Richard Bach, Illusions

I love it when Richard makes me think really hard about things he writes. I first read Illusions nearly 30 years ago, and have been drawn back to the magic of the story almost daily ever since. Because it makes me think.


I believe the caterpillar he talks about is us, as humans. We are fatalistic, we think that the latest bad event is the one that will push us over the edge. The end of life as we know it, the proverbial straw on the camel's back. And really, is it THAT bad? We have survived many things, why give up now? It may seem awful in this moment, but there will be other moments. There are always other moments.

Moments that carry gifts. Sometimes hidden, sometimes on gossamer wings. Wings that are delicate but powerful, taking us higher than before. Soaring above those who wallow in their pain, we catch current and climb even higher when we realize the lesson wasn't about tragedy: it was about finding the beauty and the love. 

Things may seem unjust, but we survive. Again and again. That's why we're here. To live. To love. Again and again. 

Worthy

“No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it.” ― Richard Bach

Yes, in spite of how we sometimes think we don't deserve the happiness we have, the love we receive, the special moments others share with it, we are all welcome to them. Continuing to find ourselves unworthy, we take the decision from others and turn them away. Like they aren't capable of knowing who gets their heart, that they can't possibly be right and we are indeed worthy.

Self-destruction is a bad way to go out. When someone else interferes in a relationship, it's easy to get angry and fight them, fight for our future. But when the enemy that has us on the ledge is us, that's okay? Nope. That's even worse. We can stop ourselves from pushing that relationship into oblivion, we can save us from ourselves.

But we have to remember that we ARE good, we ARE kind, we ARE capable of love. No matter what anyone else has jammed down our throats, or sworn in court, or told our family and friends. WE ARE WORTH IT.

Believe. ALL IN.

Change

“It doesn’t take time to change once you understand the problem...Somebody hands you a rattlesnake, it doesn’t take long to drop it, does it?”  ― Richard Bach, One

Ah, good old New Year's resolutions... I can't say I never made any, back in the day when I was weak and didn't understand that EVERY day should bring an opportunity to better ourselves, I probably fell for the trap. Public declaration of our intention to eat better, exercise more, cuss less, go to church more often, etc. Yet by March, maybe April, most of the good intentions are gone like the wind, with little commentary and zero condemnation. Everyone falls off the wagon, so no one holds anyone else accountable. No fun poking at their failure when yours is just as magnificent, eh?


None of this means that we shouldn't try to be better. We all need good health, and good friends. We could all stand to eat better, and drink less. Who exactly are we promising our changes to? We are the masters of our fate, we don't need any reminders that we didn't hit the gym for the third year in a row. We control our destinies, who needs someone hassling them about that pledge to quit smoking? We can surely make ourselves do these things without false promises made on Day One of the year. And if we can't, we're only disappointing ourselves. 

I believe calling out our negative behaviors is the surest way to fail. Instead, we should highlight what we can do, not what we want to stop.

I seriously want to blog every day.
I really want to pick up that guitar I bought last year and play songs I write.
I need to get off my butt and travel.

Positive things. Moving towards who we see ourselves as, not trying to change the bad as much as increasing the good. The rest will come.