“We choose, ourselves, to be hurt or not to be hurt, no matter what. Us who decides. Nobody else.” ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
And yes, we do give that power to others, quite often and in error. It's not easy to take the blame for our pain, but we allow it. You can't be heartbroken over how someone treats you if you keep that power for yourself. But how do we do that? Doesn't that mean we aren't "ALL IN," if we hold back? Sit, readers, time for a lesson...
ALL IN does not mean you get stupid. You live in a bad neighborhood. You wouldn't leave your house unlocked, your car unlocked, etc., right? That's just asking for trouble. Also known as stupid. Same thing with your heart. You want to give it up, don't be in that "bad neighborhood." You've done your research, made sure that you're in the right place, with the right person. No do-overs, so be sure. Otherwise, you're handing over the keys to a stranger. If you don't know their heart, don't give them yours. Because that's... well, stupid.
ALL IN also has a flip side: COMPLETELY OUT. Some people deserve that more than we realize. By keeping people in our lives that don't have our best interests at heart, we hand over the entire set of keys. Not just our hearts, but our minds, our souls, even our physical well-being. Keep them at as much distance as possible, and you won't have that hurt. The hurt you allow. What we condone is what we approve. They don't deserve you, don't let their toxicity hurt you.
YOU are the master of your own happiness, as well as your own pain. Don't stop thinking, play seven level chess if you have to. Game out your reactions: if you can't shut the door to keep from being hurt, don't even answer the bell.