Progress

“We are each given a block of marble when we begin a lifetime, and the tools to shape it into sculpture. We can drag it behind us untouched, we can pound it to gravel, we can shape it into glory. Examples from every other life are left for us to see, lifeworks finished and unfinished, guiding and warning. Near the end our sculpture is nearly finished, and we can smooth and polish what we started years before. We can make our progress then, but to do it we must see past the appearances of age.”  ― Richard Bach, One

Some people see their gray hair and wrinkles as signs of getting older. Hard to accept that, when you see people in their twenties gone gray, or someone in their seventies whose face seems timeless. Maybe some people sculpt their blocks of marble more carefully than others, while others run at full speed through a field of diamonds that chip away at the stone quickly and without notice.

I think I started out hiding behind my block of marble. Hoping not to attract the angry attention from adults that didn't have my best interest at heart. Then I found my feet, and decided to use the stone as a weapon, to fight back against something I thought only I could see. Turns out that others saw, but in their own fear, could only watch and hope their presence would protect me. Things didn't work out like that, but I found that I could defend myself and that the silence of others doesn't mean they don't care. They are sometimes scared, too. 

I also learned to sculpt my marble with humor. I created a persona that allowed me to escape the bad things, while making others laugh. The stone wasn't always pretty, but it got attention and laughs. When you're near the ground on the totem pole of life, those things mean more than you would imagine. "Be forever a clown" is one of the best pieces of advice I got in my life, as well as a wonderful compliment. 

Then the rough marble got some delicate treatment, being a mother and a wife for a long time. There were some bumps, and a really big fall in 2002. Into a pit of loss that tried its best to suck me under forever. But my stone came with a life jacket, and we climbed out of that muck on a mission. To be better, to love harder, to be ALL IN. I've spent over a decade wiping off the grime, because I know I am the only one that can. I control my fate. I choose my path.

A brutal life polishes a stone, especially when we're not watching. Those diamonds in the store window weren't created quickly. They tumbled under the soil for years, rubbing against each other until they started to shine. Much like those of us who have a few years on us, you don't notice the brilliance until we take the time to wash off the dirt.