Peace

Day 37. Peace.

When you mention peace, people usually think you're talking of ending wars and conflicts around the world. No more fighting, no more death, no more suffering. That happening is truly a fantasy, as the world is much too big and complex to ever do a Rodney King and just get along. I don't know God's plan, but I doubt He planned for that, knowing He made humans to be the things we are.

The peace we sometimes forget about, but most often seek, is our own. Relaxing completely, letting our true selves be exposed. Allowing ourselves to finally be who it is we mask from the world each day. No stress from trying to please others, no fear that we'll displease someone. We all have battles in our own lives, and we want nothing more than to end them.

I had battles as a child. In spite of the love I got from most of my family, there was one parent that ruined it all. If I remembered much of my life before I was ten, I would probably not be happy at the memories. I know the ones I have of the second ten weren't great, but the first ten were worse. I think I blocked a lot of them out, probably to protect myself. Never knowing when someone would fly off the handle and start swinging the first thing they grabbed. Afraid if anything got broken, sure that I'd be getting punished even if it was an accident. There was no peace in that part of my life.

The middle of my life, I found some peace there. Kids, friends, good times. Stress from never having enough money, but that came and went as situations changed. I put on a happy face, and it wasn't fake most of the time. I was still looking for a long run of peace, it being interrupted along the way.

Then the 90's showed up, I became a wife and had yet another person to please. My skin got rubbed raw sometimes, with the words of disappointment. But I just kept trying harder, and made it work. Twenty years or so later, there were still times when thing weren't good enough, I wasn't doing enough. But being ALL IN, there I was, still trying to hold it together. I don't know that I would've won the war Dave was often raging against the world that was mostly me, but I'm not a quitter.

“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”  - Chuck Palahniuk

I make an effort to put the bad times away, and remember the good. That war is never won.

Lesson Thirty Seven: Do you focus on bad times more than the good? Have you experienced so much negativity that you have a hard time celebrating success? Think about how you deal with dark times, and try to celebrate the light.

693 to go...