Solitude

Day 36. Solitude.

I've realized that being by yourself doesn't mean you're lonely. When you have the companionship of friends and family, you don't have to have their physical presence to feel them with you. If the bond is strong enough, and you are (say it with me now) ALL IN, they can be miles away and you still feel the connection. Sometimes even if you've never met them in person.

I've talked about my online friends before, what a wide variety they are. I feel such a strong connection with them, it's crazy sometimes. I can joke around with my racing buddies about football team rivalries, and it's like we were sitting in a bar having a beer and laughing in person. I can tell that Blake really is kidding when he says he's cancelling his NC vacation because I got Belinda to harass him over the LSU/Miami game. And I can feel the love when she puts that little heart after all her posts on Facebook.

I try and learn things about all my friends, so I can feel closer to them. I like knowing a bit more about everyone: it's fun to post a Peanuts cartoon to Maureen's page, or a funny chicken picture for Amy. Then there's Beth and the goats, the other Beth and RTR (Roll Tide Toll for you non-Bama fans), and even the third Beth about Thor. Military pics for the guys that served, hockey discussions with my friend Bob over in Raleigh, and harassing Rusty about his lack of piloting skills.  Oh yeah, and making Lori laugh when I say that Sydney Crosby is a bitch, LOL. It makes me feel closer to them when I know things that make them smile.

There's also the bond with someone you can tell everything to, online at least. I have a few people I can do that with, I feel I can talk about anything and everything and get the truth back from them. If I'm being crazy, they'll tell me. They'll rein me in, or tell me to go for it, whichever I need. There's a bit of freedom in talking online, you don't have to worry about them giving you weird looks. Or smacking you upside the head when you are being foolish.

While I'm active online, I'm usually home alone with the animals. The dogs doing their noisy dog stuff in the background, a cat trying to help type or catch the cursor on the screen. But I don't feel lonely. When Dave was still here, I sometimes felt lonelier than I do now. Because of his shoulder injury and his pain from that, he slept a lot or was grumpy. So even though we did things together like shopping or dinner out, we didn't sit and watch TV or eat dinner at home together. That was lonelier than being here by myself, if that makes sense.

It's actually kind of nice being here alone. I know I'm a people person, as anyone who knows me in real life can confirm. I love a good party, and contrary to the Capricorn traits I am NOT a wallflower. Not by a long shot. But I can relax without having to clean up after anyone else, without having to figure out what means to make for someone else, it's all for me. I think "lonely" is different than "lonesome." I do get lonesome. I miss having someone to cuddle on the couch with, someone that passes behind me in the kitchen and tugs my hair braid. Having someone to bake brownies for, since I don't need to eat the whole pan of them. Missing the little things, that's what "lonesome" means.

I hope I'm not lonesome forever, but I kinda like the solitude.

Lesson Thirty Six: Do you enjoy spending time by yourself or do you need to be around others to really enjoy things? Do you try and learn more about other people so that even when you're not together you can feel closer to them? Think about your relationships, and see if they can withstand time apart.

694 to go...