Regrets

Day 44. Regrets.

I've always said I'd rather be sorry for things I've done than regret the things I didn't. Like I talked about yesterday, we never have enough time to do everything we want, so leaving things undone just doesn't make sense.

I'd like to think I've been true to myself and not had regrets. I've had the chance to do a lot of things, and I don't feel I've trampled over anyone to do the things I wanted. Dave used to say I was the most selfish person he'd ever met. Funny, that. Most everyone else I know says the opposite. I think he was just jealous that I had the courage to do the things I wanted, instead of waiting for them to happen and then being miserable when they didn't.

I try hard to include people in my life, I try and stay involved with people I am close to. Sometimes there are gaps, but we usually pick up where we left off. I think my "plans" for things involve others because that''s so much a part of my life. Without friends and family, we're nothing. The plans we make that don't include those we love are unsatisfying and don't leave lasting memories.

Life is not unlike a ride at the fair, where they tell you not to get out of the car until it comes to a complete stop. My life's had some pauses, but never some to a complete stop. It's gone in really slow motion, the times when I felt most vulnerable and scared. I really wanted the car to stop, so I could get out. But since it wouldn't, I kept going. Good thing I could sit down, sometimes I was too weak to stand.

I've talked before about the things I want to do: learning guitar, traveling, writing more songs. Those aren't regrets of things I didn't do, I just put them off. I can think of a few things I didn't do that might be regrets now, but I can still take them off that list. I have someone in my past that I never got to finish things with, but I hope someday we can talk face to face again and see what happens. I have unfinished business with someone that wronged me a few years ago, I need the chance to confront them and get that out of the way. I'm saving bail money in case that goes badly, it was headed that direction before which I why I moved it to the back burner. But I need to deal with it, to get it out of my system.

The old adage about "never go to bed angry" is sound advice. I try and end every day by telling people I love them, and hopefully make them smile. You truly never know when the time you say those words to someone will be the last time, so never let it go unsaid. I guess never let anger go unspoken either. You'll know the right time for both.

Lesson Forty Four: Do you have things you wish you'd done? Do you now have a chance to do them, the undo your regret at missing out? Think about the days ahead, the days gone by, and realize that you have the power to change the future by learning from the past.

686 to go...