Afraid

Day 85. Afraid.

It's okay to admit it. We're all afraid of something. We've talked about this before. Some are physical fears, like snakes. Others are emotional, like being abandoned. Either way, we can get through them if we keep our wits about us, and remember we're in control of our own lives. The good, the bad, the ugly: we are responsible for drawing them all to us. Just like the people and events we draw into our lives.

The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid.We fear we will not find love,and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we don't have love we will be unhappy. Richard Bach: One.

Today's families are often a mashup of moms, dads, his kids, her kids, their kids. The bonds don't have to be of blood for them to thrive, but we do have to work at them. Being in a blended family brings new challenges, but where there's love and respect, it all works. Sometimes there has to be a wicked stepmother, almost always there's someone saying "you're not my real Dad." The communication may be crude, but keeping the lines open is key. Everyone grows up eventually, and realizes that the parents were just trying to do their best. You are doing your best, right?

I believe Dave missed Kathie more than me in some ways. They were "running buddies" of sorts. She was always game to run to the store with him, probably to sneak a cigarette she knew I wouldn't put up with. They were always scamming something on me. Some nights she really didn't have to work, he'd drop her off and let her hang out with friends. I only found out later when she would come home and not smell like french fries, from the kitchen she cooked in. Silly things, but they had a different bond than she and I did. Even different than Mike and I. If nobody told you, you never guessed they weren't blood-kin. They were heart-kin.

It wasn't always like that. They fought like wildcats sometimes, early on. I stayed out of it, knowing that you can't force anyone to get along. I did the bad cop routine, for them both. After enough time, they realized they had more in common than different. I can't say there weren't a lot of tears, a lot of harsh words: there were plenty of both. At some point he realized she wanted someone to make her listen, to push her to be better. And she figured out that he needed someone to be a kid with, someone that just wanted to have fun. The fights, the arguments, they were before both of them started doing their best for each other.

Don't ever believe that you can't make someone love you. Even when you think you don't deserve it, or don't even want it. The way to make someone love you? Let them in.

Lesson Eighty Five: Do you distance yourself in bad situations, so you don't get hurt? Are there times you just give up instead of fighting for what needs to happen? Think about people in your life, the love that is right there, just out of reach, and realize that when you stop being afraid, it will happen. Because you're worth it.

645 to go...