Ransom

Day 83. Ransom

Defined by Webster's as "the sum or price paid or demanded." At some point, we all feel like we had to pay a price to get something we desperately wanted. And sometimes, you feel like you gave something more than you received, no matter how good the deal worked out for you. I know I have personally paid many ransoms, the greatest of which was probably my own happiness in exchange for what seemed a peaceful life.

Tell him I said that he will know when he's my age that books aren't written on whims or old promises. Books are written on years turned inside out by ideas that never let go until you get them in print, and even then writing's a last resort, a desperate ransom you pay to get your life back. Richard Back: Running From Safety

I can say without a doubt I've watched my life pass before my eyes, at a blurring speed over which I had no control. Or so I thought. I know now, looking back through the rear view mirror, that I was in charge all along. I let things happen. No, not as a child. That hot mess is on backs of those who thought their needs were more important than anything else. Not my job to dispense justice to them, that's been dealt with by their Maker. But as an adult, I was the one who let things happen. I chose to give up some things in exchange for others that I thought would be better. Funny how that never really  works out like we expect. 



I look back now and see the foolishness in my efforts, but I'm hoping with my renewed love of writing I am no longer on the losing end. Instead, a ransom I can draw from instead of paying into, where I find the peace I've searched for on my own terms. Rather than sacrifice part of myself to be happy, I can make a withdrawal from the wealth of knowledge I've gained through experience, and be no less for it.


Coming up on a year of being on my own again, yet not alone, I find this daily journal of thoughts and dreams and tears is keeping me sane. I always knew I had people I could count on, and my friends and family have risen to the occasion and proved me right yet again. I'm finding new things to think about, to blog about, every day. Something that I read, something that happens, I see a lesson in the smallest details of life. I feel compelled to write, to share my experience, to allow others to see me as I see myself.

The ransom this time doesn't come at a price. I've gained much more that I've given this past year. I've learned that the hearts of those around us aren't bound by distance. I've begun to believe in the power of the human spirit. I've discovered that by being ourselves, we learn so much about others. Sometimes more than they mean to share with us, but that's the magic of friendship, of love.

Lesson Eighty Three: Can you look back on your past and see where you made choices and decisions that you wish you could change? Do you see how the experiences of your life prepare you for each new step? Think about the things in life that matter most to you right now, and know that everything before this day was meant to get you here. The price seems high, but unless you risk everything you gain nothing.

647 to go...