Decisions

Day 90. Decisions.

Our human brains make thousands of decisions each day, most of them without any real thought required. Tiny ones, reflexes that we use to walk, speak, blink. The bigger ones, we pause upon: lunch, what to do next, do we need to stop anywhere on the way home? Then the life-altering ones: should we stay in this relationship, does this job really make me happy, where do I want to be in 10 years? And all along the way, at any moment, people see the results.

All we see of someone at any moment is a snapshot of their life, in riches or poverty, in joy or despair. Snapshots don't show the million decisions that led to that moment.  Richard Bach.

I'd like to think someone looking at my life would think I've not done too terribly. I've managed to hang onto most of my sanity this far, I don't have a lot of material things to account for my hard work but I am fairly debt-free, and making people laugh brings me great joy. It wasn't easy getting here, and I'm still not where I want to be, but... here I am.

If only..... what a powerful phrase is that? Full of hope, regret, remorse, indecision. I'd rather be sorry for something I've done than regret something I didn't, and I guess my life reflects that. I've missed time with loved ones, but found new treasure in discovering them again. I spent too much time working and too little having fun, but now that I see which is more important I can make time for the better things. Never one to slack on their obligations, I was the dependable one that brought home the bacon and cooked it. I don't regret that, but I should have delegated things so I didn't feel so taken for granted.

Happiness is, to a point, relative. Where you are at this moment might not be your finest hour, but it has probably been worse. Who you're with right now might be your soulmate, but you kissed some frogs to get to a prince. Your possessions might be few, but your obligations are smaller as well. There's something to say for a life well lived, and if you truly have lived, today is a reflection of it. Today, I can look at you and see someone who is free to be themselves, free to love, free to laugh. If that's not what I see, all we need to do is wait. You'll know what to change, and when the time is right it'll all look different.

James Taylor sang this at John Belushi's funeral, March 8, 1982. How different would life be if we listened to these words?

If I had stopped to listen once or twice
If I had closed my mouth and opened my eyes
If I had cooled my head and warmed my heart
I'd not be on this road tonight

Lesson Ninety: Are your decisions written in stone, or do you change your mind often? Is that because you're unsure and just made a quick choice, or do you truly mean for a different result? Think about who you want to be, and who the world would see today. If they don't end up at the same place, one of us isn't working hard enough for the truth.

640 to go...