Understanding

Day 86. Understanding.

Sometimes we don't know how to fix problems because we aren't even sure what the problem is. You can work to fix something that isn't even broken, while around the corner all hell is breaking loose. You're busy changing the station on the radio, meanwhile the transmission is falling out the back....

It doesn’t take time to change once you understand the problem...Somebody hands you a rattlesnake, it doesn’t take long to drop it, does it? Richard Bach: One.

I used to think I knew what I needed to work on to "fix things." To make my life better. I thought I needed to learn to calm down, to act a little less wild, to be less impulsive. After all, who would want to be involved with someone that's "on the edge" like that, right? So I took it down a notch. Okay, a few notches. I didn't want to scare anybody. I only let the "real me" out on special occasions: at parties, after I'd been drinking, etc. Unfortunately, those turned out to be some of the worst times to be "me." Me, unchained, with the edge off equals trouble. okay, TROUBLE. All along, what I needed to do was find someone that was okay with "me,", not afraid of "me," and certainly not wanting to control "me."

We all do things like that. We give up something to get something else. The guy you're interested in doesn't like smokers? Okay, you can quit. At least for a while. The girl you've been talking to at work likes country music? Sure, you can learn to listen to Luke Bryan. Those are minor things you can "fix," but the really big stuff, you're better off not trying to hide. Not wanting kids, she won't get over that if you gloss it over and then drop it on her after the engagement. Knowing he's getting his master's so he can move to a new job in a new city better not be an issue after you've moved in with him.

Problems are just... problematic. You can only fix what you know about, and are willing to spend the time on. Your mom might be a pain in the butt that expects you there for dinner every Sunday afternoon, but he can find common ground with her since they're both Redskins fans. His kids might not live with you full time, it just seems like they're always underfoot, but if you get to know them a little you might find out they're just looking for someone to fill the gaps as a parent, since theirs don't get along for crap.

Lesson Eighty Six: Can you spot the difference in things you will and won't change about your life? Do you know which of them are "really" important? Think about the changes you ask others to make (yes, even the ones you don't know you ask for, but your actions let people know what you expect) and be sure you understand that you have to be willing to become the person you told them you would be as well. What? You just want to be yourself? Maybe they want you to be "you" as well. And "you" might not be who you think you are.

644 to go...