Responsibility

Day 92. Responsibility.

When things go right, there's a line of people ready to take credit. But let something go wrong, and you'll get trampled at the exodus. Nobody wants blame, nobody wants culpability. If we are to learn any lessons from the mistakes we make, we have to be willing to take responsibility.

If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it. If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim. Richard Bach: One.

I talked yesterday about being in charge of our own ships, our own destiny. To do that, we must stand ready and willing to take both credit and blame. Things will go wrong, they always do. Unless you're a hermit and has no human contact, you will at some point have conflict. I've had my share. Okay, my share and then some. I grew up and moved away from most of it. Narrowed the conflict to the man in my life and pretty much nobody else.

I mentioned awhile back that he missed Kathie a lot. I think losing her broke both of us, in different ways. A good friend told me once that losing a child is the hardest thing someone goes through, and losing a spouse is next. Fine time to bat a thousand, eh? Sheesh. I know I am different since she's been gone, these dozen years now. I lost.... I'm not sure what. Not faith. Not hope. I lost..... me? I forgot what I was. I was so busy grieving inside, I quit being me on the outside. Which affected our life together. My responsibility. Not alone in it, but I wasn't willing to accept it for a long time. So I remained its victim.

I was willing to let things happen as a result of that. I was willing to let myself become isolated from the real world. I wasn't unhappy to have mostly online friends, they couldn't see the pain. The scars. They didn't know me "before," so they had nothing to compare me to. They wouldn't know about the chunks of my heart that were missing. The pieces of my soul that were flying around, looking for somewhere to land. Again, my responsibility. My choices, bad ones, but mine. Again, their victim.

I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom. Richard Bach: Illusions.

Lesson Ninety Two:  How about we try accepting responsibility? Before it's too late.  Before there's no one left to apologize to. ALL IN.

648 to go...