Day 82. Success.
There are many opportunities in our lives to make something of ourselves. Success is not just defined by career choices, but with relationships. Some of the most successful people in business have some of the worse personal lives. And some of the happiest relationships come to those who have mediocre professional lives. I believe there is a medium ground, where you have a decent amount of both. I think that's why people "settle" and stop trying to make their lives better.
It’s not when you start that makes your success in the world, but when you quit. Richard Bach: Nothing By Chance.
Work life can be sometimes seem to be from the seventh level of Hell. Coworkers that are incompetent, supervisors that can't do the work of those they manage. Upper management so disconnected they wouldn't recognize you achievements if you waved them as a banner. That's a major reason people change jobs, they don't feel "noticed" by anyone. They have become a permanent fixture, like a toilet. They eventually stop trying, then they get bored, then they move on. That's not always the right decision, but sometimes seems the only clear option. Scores of people never do anything about their situation. They are perfectly happy to tread water comfortably, not making waves, but never riding atop any of them either.
Finding a way to move forward in relationships is even more difficult. One person stagnates, the other is hard-pressed to move anything further ahead. In the book "One," Richard talks about people being either balloons or anvils.Two balloons, they fly away, sometimes separately. Two anvils, they stay stuck on earth, but sometimes in the same room. One balloon paired with one anvil can do anything. I guess that's true as long as the anvil isn't so heavy it's actually an anchor. That's what we have to figure out: are we the balloon or the anvil? If we're the balloon, can we carry the weight of the anvil we've chosen?
We likely go most of our lives not even thinking about who we are. Or who we've surrounded ourselves with. Hopefully we figure that out before we're out of time and options. Maybe the harder choice comes after that, in who we've chosen to spend our lives with: are they people with which we can spend eternity? Or do we have to continue to learn and find those who allow us both to fly? Only then can life be considered a success. No one makes us settle for anything else. We make that choice too.
Lesson Eighty Two: Do you feel your life this far has been a success? Have you looked at your life and seen you need to make changes? Do you have the courage to make them, or are you willing to settle for what you have and let your dreams fade? Think about what happiness you have, what happiness you deserve, and realize that you alone have the power to keep pushing forward and make the future your deserve happen.
648 to go...
ps: I'm an anvil.
pss: And a balloon.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Lifetimes
Day 81. Lifetimes.
I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago about this, and I truly believe we all live multiple lifetimes. It explains how we can find someone we are very connected to, that it seems like we've know them forever. Since we knew each other in another lifetime, it's easy to find them again in this one. We sometimes bring the baggage of other lifetimes into this one, having not completed the lessons they were meant to teach us. Like a stone around our necks, weighing us down until we can find the cracks that will break it.
We are each given a block of marble when we begin a lifetime, and the tools to shape it into sculpture. We can drag it behind us untouched, we can pound it to gravel, we can shape it into glory. Examples from every other life are left for us to see, lifeworks finished and unfinished, guiding and warning. Near the end our sculpture is nearly finished, and we can smooth and polish what we started years before. We can make our progress then, but to do it we must see past the appearances of age. Richard Bach: One.
It not easy to learn from your mistakes, or from the mistakes of others. Even when they're right there in front of you. We like to think we're smarter than those who went before us, that even if we do the same things we will get a different result. As we grow older, we realize how stupid we are, that if only we'd really listened to our parents, our teachers, authors we've read. If only we could turn back the clock just a decade... maybe two.... so we could talk to our younger selves and tell us "Don't do it!" But to be young and foolish....
Our blocks of marble are indeed ours to sculpt. Some of us decide to just polish them until they shine like the sun, never putting chisel to stone. Why mess with a good thing? Just keep it shiny and new and it will last a lifetime. And then, looking back at the end of our days, do we find that all we have left is a boring but pretty life? I'll watch some of my friends carefully chiseling away, looking to create the perfect sculpture. Their main decision is whether to make their sculpture big or small: do they chip away for years, or wait until time is short and there's not enough time to make it pretty?
I don't think I want either of those, for myself at least. I'm going with the "pick a spot and start chipping away, see what's underneath" method. Who knows what's inside? There could be a treasure in there, a vein of gold or at least emeralds, right? Finding out is part of the journey, and I love a good road trip. Especially when there are good friends that I've known forever along for the ride.
Lesson Eighty One: Do you feel the weight of your lifetime around your neck? Are you the one that put the chain there, or is it from your past and you consented to wear it? Think about the burden you bear as the artist of your lifetime, and remember that the only objective is to be happy.
649 to go...
I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago about this, and I truly believe we all live multiple lifetimes. It explains how we can find someone we are very connected to, that it seems like we've know them forever. Since we knew each other in another lifetime, it's easy to find them again in this one. We sometimes bring the baggage of other lifetimes into this one, having not completed the lessons they were meant to teach us. Like a stone around our necks, weighing us down until we can find the cracks that will break it.
We are each given a block of marble when we begin a lifetime, and the tools to shape it into sculpture. We can drag it behind us untouched, we can pound it to gravel, we can shape it into glory. Examples from every other life are left for us to see, lifeworks finished and unfinished, guiding and warning. Near the end our sculpture is nearly finished, and we can smooth and polish what we started years before. We can make our progress then, but to do it we must see past the appearances of age. Richard Bach: One.
It not easy to learn from your mistakes, or from the mistakes of others. Even when they're right there in front of you. We like to think we're smarter than those who went before us, that even if we do the same things we will get a different result. As we grow older, we realize how stupid we are, that if only we'd really listened to our parents, our teachers, authors we've read. If only we could turn back the clock just a decade... maybe two.... so we could talk to our younger selves and tell us "Don't do it!" But to be young and foolish....
Our blocks of marble are indeed ours to sculpt. Some of us decide to just polish them until they shine like the sun, never putting chisel to stone. Why mess with a good thing? Just keep it shiny and new and it will last a lifetime. And then, looking back at the end of our days, do we find that all we have left is a boring but pretty life? I'll watch some of my friends carefully chiseling away, looking to create the perfect sculpture. Their main decision is whether to make their sculpture big or small: do they chip away for years, or wait until time is short and there's not enough time to make it pretty?
I don't think I want either of those, for myself at least. I'm going with the "pick a spot and start chipping away, see what's underneath" method. Who knows what's inside? There could be a treasure in there, a vein of gold or at least emeralds, right? Finding out is part of the journey, and I love a good road trip. Especially when there are good friends that I've known forever along for the ride.
Lesson Eighty One: Do you feel the weight of your lifetime around your neck? Are you the one that put the chain there, or is it from your past and you consented to wear it? Think about the burden you bear as the artist of your lifetime, and remember that the only objective is to be happy.
649 to go...
Friday, November 28, 2014
Better
Day 80. Better.
The holidays bring on new emotions for us. Not always good one, sometimes we stress over family issues that are practically unavoidable now. Old wounds never healed, we struggle through the gatherings, trying to keep the peace. Some of my childhood holidays sound like fiction when I think about them now, but they were part of making me who I am today. For better or worse.
No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it. Richard Bach:: One.
We should have fond memories of family gatherings. Good food, laughter, the exchanging of gifts. But not all of us are so lucky to have those things, at least not consistently. I can remember more than one year actually coming to blows in the heat of an argument, and my psychotic parent screeching and crying at pretty much all the others. Talk about drama, we had it. Oddly enough, we'd go right back to eating our traditional meal, like nothing had happened. We were pretty good at moving past it, but we never really dealt with it.
I blocked a lot of it out of my consciousness as I got older. I realized other families didn't act that way, so I put all those bad things away, into a box inside my head. The box never got full, because I kept giving it more space.The capacity to live with things was never reached, I just filed them away. I thought I had a solution. When I was 19, my dying great-Grandmother told me the only she wanted was for me to be happy. I really didn't realize how far I had climbed until that day, and how far I still had to go. Here I thought I was halfway up the mountain, and she saw me as just breaking the surface of the ocean.
We all delude ourselves. We are convinced we are happy, successful, smart. We just know that our life is good, we're on the right path, WE GOT THIS. Then, at a time when we least expect it, BOOM. Something happens to plant our feet back on the ground. An illness, job loss, death of a loved one. One event, and we're shattered back to reality. But because we have faith, we have what it takes to start again. A single step, on the climb of our lives. We just have to imagine it.
Lesson Eighty: Do you think your life can recover from setbacks? Have you started over, more than once maybe, and found happiness again? Think about how you see your dreams: right there, just out of arms reach, and realize that YOU have to power to overcome anything, and have that better life.
650 to go...
The holidays bring on new emotions for us. Not always good one, sometimes we stress over family issues that are practically unavoidable now. Old wounds never healed, we struggle through the gatherings, trying to keep the peace. Some of my childhood holidays sound like fiction when I think about them now, but they were part of making me who I am today. For better or worse.
No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it. Richard Bach:: One.
We should have fond memories of family gatherings. Good food, laughter, the exchanging of gifts. But not all of us are so lucky to have those things, at least not consistently. I can remember more than one year actually coming to blows in the heat of an argument, and my psychotic parent screeching and crying at pretty much all the others. Talk about drama, we had it. Oddly enough, we'd go right back to eating our traditional meal, like nothing had happened. We were pretty good at moving past it, but we never really dealt with it.
I blocked a lot of it out of my consciousness as I got older. I realized other families didn't act that way, so I put all those bad things away, into a box inside my head. The box never got full, because I kept giving it more space.The capacity to live with things was never reached, I just filed them away. I thought I had a solution. When I was 19, my dying great-Grandmother told me the only she wanted was for me to be happy. I really didn't realize how far I had climbed until that day, and how far I still had to go. Here I thought I was halfway up the mountain, and she saw me as just breaking the surface of the ocean.
We all delude ourselves. We are convinced we are happy, successful, smart. We just know that our life is good, we're on the right path, WE GOT THIS. Then, at a time when we least expect it, BOOM. Something happens to plant our feet back on the ground. An illness, job loss, death of a loved one. One event, and we're shattered back to reality. But because we have faith, we have what it takes to start again. A single step, on the climb of our lives. We just have to imagine it.
Lesson Eighty: Do you think your life can recover from setbacks? Have you started over, more than once maybe, and found happiness again? Think about how you see your dreams: right there, just out of arms reach, and realize that YOU have to power to overcome anything, and have that better life.
650 to go...
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Thanks
Day 79. Thanks.
Today is the traditional day of thanks for Americans, our Canadian friends having already celebrated the blessings of the harvest earlier in October. As declared by President Abraham Lincoln in the late days of fall 1863, a day of rest, reflection and feasting to remind our Nation that in spite of a Civil War having drawn brother against brother, we still had much to be grateful for.
It's not lost on me that Lincoln saw fit to recognize the need for our Country to come together with family and friends, to reunite around a meal prepared with loving hands. He gave us many things to think about while he led our Country. His first inaugural address asked citizens not to pursue a war against one another, for surely it would break the Nation. He was only partially right, as his Gettysburg address only two years later would heal the cracks the Civil War had begun.
A mere two years later, a madman, enraged by Lincoln's speech that began the climb into reconstruction which would seek to erase the wounds of slavery, took his life in an attempt to snuff out Lincoln's reiteration that all men are created equal. We should be thankful on this Thanksgiving that Booth may have taken the President's life that day in 1865, but the ideas of freedom and equality are still burning bright.
I've been to the Peace Light Memorial in Gettysburg more times than I can count, more than any of the other monuments in the park. I always pause on the walk up Oak Hill, to look towards the battlefields. Oak Ridge was the scene of the heaviest fighting in the early afternoon of July 1, 1863. It was the high ground for the Confederate Army for that day's battles to the north of town. While the losses that day were minimal, the number of combatants were the highest of the campaign, with over 50,000 men engaged. Cemetery Hill, Blocher's Knoll: they had more fierce battles but Oak Hill provides a unique view over them both.
I haven't made the walk in almost ten years, but I can feel the adrenaline from that day. With that adrenaline, I can also feel the fear. The fear, to a man, that they might not live another day. But more prevalent, I can feel thanks. The men that fought that great battle did so for all of us that celebrate our Thanksgiving today. More than any other emotion, thanks. Thanks that so many, over 46,000 of our own citizens,gave their lives in that hot July weekend, so that we could sit around a table today with our loved ones. Thanks that President Lincoln would see fit to memorialize them with what would become one of the most iconic speeches in American history.
The most important part of the Gettysburg Address is why I give thanks today. That I live in an America where, in spite of the seemingly miserable conditions of things, this is still possible:
It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.
Lesson Seventy Nine: Never take anything for granted. Always be thankful.
651 to go...
Today is the traditional day of thanks for Americans, our Canadian friends having already celebrated the blessings of the harvest earlier in October. As declared by President Abraham Lincoln in the late days of fall 1863, a day of rest, reflection and feasting to remind our Nation that in spite of a Civil War having drawn brother against brother, we still had much to be grateful for.
It's not lost on me that Lincoln saw fit to recognize the need for our Country to come together with family and friends, to reunite around a meal prepared with loving hands. He gave us many things to think about while he led our Country. His first inaugural address asked citizens not to pursue a war against one another, for surely it would break the Nation. He was only partially right, as his Gettysburg address only two years later would heal the cracks the Civil War had begun.
A mere two years later, a madman, enraged by Lincoln's speech that began the climb into reconstruction which would seek to erase the wounds of slavery, took his life in an attempt to snuff out Lincoln's reiteration that all men are created equal. We should be thankful on this Thanksgiving that Booth may have taken the President's life that day in 1865, but the ideas of freedom and equality are still burning bright.
I've been to the Peace Light Memorial in Gettysburg more times than I can count, more than any of the other monuments in the park. I always pause on the walk up Oak Hill, to look towards the battlefields. Oak Ridge was the scene of the heaviest fighting in the early afternoon of July 1, 1863. It was the high ground for the Confederate Army for that day's battles to the north of town. While the losses that day were minimal, the number of combatants were the highest of the campaign, with over 50,000 men engaged. Cemetery Hill, Blocher's Knoll: they had more fierce battles but Oak Hill provides a unique view over them both.
I haven't made the walk in almost ten years, but I can feel the adrenaline from that day. With that adrenaline, I can also feel the fear. The fear, to a man, that they might not live another day. But more prevalent, I can feel thanks. The men that fought that great battle did so for all of us that celebrate our Thanksgiving today. More than any other emotion, thanks. Thanks that so many, over 46,000 of our own citizens,gave their lives in that hot July weekend, so that we could sit around a table today with our loved ones. Thanks that President Lincoln would see fit to memorialize them with what would become one of the most iconic speeches in American history.
The most important part of the Gettysburg Address is why I give thanks today. That I live in an America where, in spite of the seemingly miserable conditions of things, this is still possible:
It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.
Lesson Seventy Nine: Never take anything for granted. Always be thankful.
651 to go...
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Blessings
Day 78. Blessings
As we wind down the days until Thanksgiving, we begin to think about the blessings we've been given. And earned. Nothing good comes without work, and sometimes even that isn't enough to guarantee a positive outcome.
There’s no disaster that can’t become a blessing, and no blessing that can’t become a disaster. Richard Bach: One.
Despite our best paid plans, our hard work, sometimes in the end we just simply do not get what we want. We wonder why, when we did all we could, do we end up wanting more. I try and look at disasters as just another step towards the end result I'm after, not the actual result itself. It's only one more mountain of wreckage to climb, right? Too many people focus on the obstacle in the way, and don't even bother to notice the other paths around it. And who wants to count their disasters?
I am blessed to have a family that, despite our differences, is always there when it matters. I am blessed to have many friends that, even though we may never meet, we are as close as family. I am blessed to have a decent job that I like, that pays the bills and then some. I am blessed to have just enough of what I need to make me happy, and being able to share with others.
That's really all that matters on Thanksgiving, isn't it? The blessings. Well, that and the stuffing.
Lesson Seventy Eight: Do you tend to focus on the negative things that happen, instead of rejoicing at the good? Does your life seem to attract more bad than good, and do you let that control you? Think about the blessings you have. No, really, you do have more of them than you realize. Then remember that the disasters are of your own creation, and work to turn them into blessings.
Happy Thanksgiving, my readers.
652 to go...
As we wind down the days until Thanksgiving, we begin to think about the blessings we've been given. And earned. Nothing good comes without work, and sometimes even that isn't enough to guarantee a positive outcome.
There’s no disaster that can’t become a blessing, and no blessing that can’t become a disaster. Richard Bach: One.
Despite our best paid plans, our hard work, sometimes in the end we just simply do not get what we want. We wonder why, when we did all we could, do we end up wanting more. I try and look at disasters as just another step towards the end result I'm after, not the actual result itself. It's only one more mountain of wreckage to climb, right? Too many people focus on the obstacle in the way, and don't even bother to notice the other paths around it. And who wants to count their disasters?
I am blessed to have a family that, despite our differences, is always there when it matters. I am blessed to have many friends that, even though we may never meet, we are as close as family. I am blessed to have a decent job that I like, that pays the bills and then some. I am blessed to have just enough of what I need to make me happy, and being able to share with others.
That's really all that matters on Thanksgiving, isn't it? The blessings. Well, that and the stuffing.
Lesson Seventy Eight: Do you tend to focus on the negative things that happen, instead of rejoicing at the good? Does your life seem to attract more bad than good, and do you let that control you? Think about the blessings you have. No, really, you do have more of them than you realize. Then remember that the disasters are of your own creation, and work to turn them into blessings.
Happy Thanksgiving, my readers.
652 to go...
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Wreckage
Day 77. Wreckage.
There is never a time in our lives that we aren't on the lookout for things that damage us. Things that we let hurt us. People that betray us. People that leave us behind. Battles are fought daily to rise above the madness, to make sense of what has happened and how to move past it.
Richard Bach: Illusions II: Rebuilding us. Isn’t that what the spirit requires, when we climb over the wreckage of our lives, sometimes, we go on to make our lives our own affirmation? We are perfect expressions of perfect Love, here and now. There is no permanent injury.
I've been kicked by life. More than once. So? That certainly doesn't make me special. Maybe the number of kicks, but not that it happened. It happens to all of us. If we're lucky, we get it out of the way early in life, rather than waiting and worrying for it to happen. Then we have the rest of our lifetime to recover from it, to rise above that wreckage and make something good happen from it. If not, we wait. Or we get kicked a second time. Maybe even a third. Just means we have learn to be really good at climbing.
I think I learned a secret to climbing out. Don't mistake the handholds you used last time as a way out the second time.The people that were there for you the first time? They might not even be part of your life the next time you need them. You can only truly rely on yourself to get yourself out of anything. Which make sense. You're the one who got you into this mess, you should be the one to get yourself out of it.
Lesson Seventy Seven: Do you have battles you fight to heal yourself of past wounds? Are they debilitating, or do you work your way through the pain? Think about the road ahead, the light at the end of it, and realize that what others see as wreckage, you see as redemption.
653 to go...
There is never a time in our lives that we aren't on the lookout for things that damage us. Things that we let hurt us. People that betray us. People that leave us behind. Battles are fought daily to rise above the madness, to make sense of what has happened and how to move past it.
Richard Bach: Illusions II: Rebuilding us. Isn’t that what the spirit requires, when we climb over the wreckage of our lives, sometimes, we go on to make our lives our own affirmation? We are perfect expressions of perfect Love, here and now. There is no permanent injury.
I've been kicked by life. More than once. So? That certainly doesn't make me special. Maybe the number of kicks, but not that it happened. It happens to all of us. If we're lucky, we get it out of the way early in life, rather than waiting and worrying for it to happen. Then we have the rest of our lifetime to recover from it, to rise above that wreckage and make something good happen from it. If not, we wait. Or we get kicked a second time. Maybe even a third. Just means we have learn to be really good at climbing.
I think I learned a secret to climbing out. Don't mistake the handholds you used last time as a way out the second time.The people that were there for you the first time? They might not even be part of your life the next time you need them. You can only truly rely on yourself to get yourself out of anything. Which make sense. You're the one who got you into this mess, you should be the one to get yourself out of it.
Lesson Seventy Seven: Do you have battles you fight to heal yourself of past wounds? Are they debilitating, or do you work your way through the pain? Think about the road ahead, the light at the end of it, and realize that what others see as wreckage, you see as redemption.
653 to go...
Monday, November 24, 2014
You
Day 76. You.
Yes, you. Over there. You. That pretty darn special person, sitting there across from me. That's reading this right now. You. The one that's been drawn to me, as I have been delivered to you. We're both part of each other's lives now, because we made that choice.
Like attracts like. Just be who you are, calm and clear and bright. Automatically, as we shine who we are, asking ourselves every minute is this what I really want to do, doing it only when we answer yes, automatically that turns away those who have nothing to learn from who we are,and attracts those who do, and from whom we have to learn, as well. Richard Bach: Illusions.
Our differences become small when we find each other. I can handle being friends with Jeff Gordon fans. As long as you can stand me mocking him. We can still sit beside each other at Martinsville. It doesn't matter that you don't like country music, and I can't stand the smell of coffee in the morning. We'll get by, I'll just sleep in a bit, and compromise by waking up to The Stones. Learning from each other, teaching each other. That's how we get through life.
We are drawn to those who are like us, yet different. If we were all exactly alike, if we all loved the exact same things, life would be really boring. We have to admit to ourselves what we really are, though. We can't pretend, else we end up with those who don't see where we're going, who don't walk to the same rhythm. We can end up trapping ourselves in a loneliness of our own making, without that bond of someone who hears the same drums.
I'm not sure how far I am down the path of truly learning who I am, but I think I'm attracting the right kind of people along the way. Patriots that want a better life here in America, with freedoms that were guaranteed generations ago but seem to be slipping away. Friends that enjoy sports, and music, and animals. Family that loves laughter and good food. Those that aren't on the same page as me, I think they have just gone quietly down their own path. I don't waste time on fools, so maybe they know that and just bypass my life completely.
Richard Bach, Illusions: Only a few people are interested in what you have to say, but that's all right. You don't tell the quality of a master by the size of his crowds, remember.
Whether you are surrounded by five people or fifty, you must still be true to yourself. You can't hold back, pull punches, or understate what you mean. You have to continue to speak your own truth, consequences and hearts be damned. No one will believe you if you don't believe yourself. You teach what you most need to learn, remember? There's something to learn from everyone around you. After all, you drew them to you. Maybe listen to what they have to say, while they learn to hear your voice.
Lesson Seventy Six: Do you see a piece of yourself in those around you? Can you find the things that drew you into each other's lives? Look around, and understand how much we need each other. Not because we're the same, but because you are me and I am you.
654 to go...
Yes, you. Over there. You. That pretty darn special person, sitting there across from me. That's reading this right now. You. The one that's been drawn to me, as I have been delivered to you. We're both part of each other's lives now, because we made that choice.
Like attracts like. Just be who you are, calm and clear and bright. Automatically, as we shine who we are, asking ourselves every minute is this what I really want to do, doing it only when we answer yes, automatically that turns away those who have nothing to learn from who we are,and attracts those who do, and from whom we have to learn, as well. Richard Bach: Illusions.
Our differences become small when we find each other. I can handle being friends with Jeff Gordon fans. As long as you can stand me mocking him. We can still sit beside each other at Martinsville. It doesn't matter that you don't like country music, and I can't stand the smell of coffee in the morning. We'll get by, I'll just sleep in a bit, and compromise by waking up to The Stones. Learning from each other, teaching each other. That's how we get through life.
We are drawn to those who are like us, yet different. If we were all exactly alike, if we all loved the exact same things, life would be really boring. We have to admit to ourselves what we really are, though. We can't pretend, else we end up with those who don't see where we're going, who don't walk to the same rhythm. We can end up trapping ourselves in a loneliness of our own making, without that bond of someone who hears the same drums.
I'm not sure how far I am down the path of truly learning who I am, but I think I'm attracting the right kind of people along the way. Patriots that want a better life here in America, with freedoms that were guaranteed generations ago but seem to be slipping away. Friends that enjoy sports, and music, and animals. Family that loves laughter and good food. Those that aren't on the same page as me, I think they have just gone quietly down their own path. I don't waste time on fools, so maybe they know that and just bypass my life completely.
Richard Bach, Illusions: Only a few people are interested in what you have to say, but that's all right. You don't tell the quality of a master by the size of his crowds, remember.
Whether you are surrounded by five people or fifty, you must still be true to yourself. You can't hold back, pull punches, or understate what you mean. You have to continue to speak your own truth, consequences and hearts be damned. No one will believe you if you don't believe yourself. You teach what you most need to learn, remember? There's something to learn from everyone around you. After all, you drew them to you. Maybe listen to what they have to say, while they learn to hear your voice.
Lesson Seventy Six: Do you see a piece of yourself in those around you? Can you find the things that drew you into each other's lives? Look around, and understand how much we need each other. Not because we're the same, but because you are me and I am you.
654 to go...
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Futures
Day 75. Futures.
Life is much more when we're having fun. When we're gathered with friends and family, laughing, reminiscing about old times, making plans for the future. It's always better when we can let our hair down and just be ourselves. But we can't forget we're still on a mission, a trip through this thing called life, and we have to move forward.
You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them. Richard Bach: Illusions.
Being myself would have to include humor. I'm always more comfortable making others laugh, even at my own expense. Humor has always been my "go to". When I'm feeling uncomfortable or awkward, I can lighten the mood by picking on myself. That almost guarantees a laugh. The problem with that is more often than not, I'm not really kidding. Which makes it even more humorous. When I'm feeling really comfortable with someone, I'll dial back the humor a bit. I never lose it completely, but it'll be a little less obvious, more directed than random. That's how you can tell when I'm serious, when I stop making smartass remarks.
I learn from humor as well. I learn that people are way too serious about their own lives, and should have more fun. I learn that when people get bogged down in the day to day and don't look up, they trip over their own feet. You can't see the sunrise if you're looking at the floor, and I sure don't want to miss a thing.
Part of my inner self is giving to others. I always try and think of other people before myself, and make sure their needs are met before my own. I'm pretty low maintenance, it doesn't take much to make me happy. A good book or movie, some music, a glass of wine, a good meal, I'm good. Don't get me wrong, I like a night on the town, but its far from necessary. Making someone's favorite foods, watching an old movie and cuddling on the couch, that's my kind of heaven.
I can learn from that experience as well. I know that many people in this world are selfish, and as long as they get what they want, nothing else matters. Others be damned, as long as their needs are met, life is as it should be. I wouldn't be content to let that happen, since I'm pretty much the opposite: making others happy is what makes me happy. The blinders that selfish people wear keep them from seeing the same sunrise I rejoice at.
Have you ever felt so at one with the world, with the universe, with everything that is, that you were overcome with love? That is reality. That is the truth. What we make of it is up to us, as the painting of the sunrise is up to the artist. In our world humanity has strayed from that love. It lives hatred and power struggles and manipulations of the earth itself for its own narrow reasons. Continue and no one will see the sunrise. The sunrise will always exist, of course, but people on earth will know nothing of it and finally even stories of its beauty will fade from our knowing. Richard Bach: One.
Lesson Seventy Five: Do you sit by and let yourself be convinced that this is all there is to life? Are you willing to sacrifice your inner self to make sure things don't go wrong? Think about the choices you make, the masks you wear. Realize that you have be able to see the sunrise to truly live the new day.
655 to go...
Life is much more when we're having fun. When we're gathered with friends and family, laughing, reminiscing about old times, making plans for the future. It's always better when we can let our hair down and just be ourselves. But we can't forget we're still on a mission, a trip through this thing called life, and we have to move forward.
You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them. Richard Bach: Illusions.
Being myself would have to include humor. I'm always more comfortable making others laugh, even at my own expense. Humor has always been my "go to". When I'm feeling uncomfortable or awkward, I can lighten the mood by picking on myself. That almost guarantees a laugh. The problem with that is more often than not, I'm not really kidding. Which makes it even more humorous. When I'm feeling really comfortable with someone, I'll dial back the humor a bit. I never lose it completely, but it'll be a little less obvious, more directed than random. That's how you can tell when I'm serious, when I stop making smartass remarks.
I learn from humor as well. I learn that people are way too serious about their own lives, and should have more fun. I learn that when people get bogged down in the day to day and don't look up, they trip over their own feet. You can't see the sunrise if you're looking at the floor, and I sure don't want to miss a thing.
Part of my inner self is giving to others. I always try and think of other people before myself, and make sure their needs are met before my own. I'm pretty low maintenance, it doesn't take much to make me happy. A good book or movie, some music, a glass of wine, a good meal, I'm good. Don't get me wrong, I like a night on the town, but its far from necessary. Making someone's favorite foods, watching an old movie and cuddling on the couch, that's my kind of heaven.
I can learn from that experience as well. I know that many people in this world are selfish, and as long as they get what they want, nothing else matters. Others be damned, as long as their needs are met, life is as it should be. I wouldn't be content to let that happen, since I'm pretty much the opposite: making others happy is what makes me happy. The blinders that selfish people wear keep them from seeing the same sunrise I rejoice at.
Have you ever felt so at one with the world, with the universe, with everything that is, that you were overcome with love? That is reality. That is the truth. What we make of it is up to us, as the painting of the sunrise is up to the artist. In our world humanity has strayed from that love. It lives hatred and power struggles and manipulations of the earth itself for its own narrow reasons. Continue and no one will see the sunrise. The sunrise will always exist, of course, but people on earth will know nothing of it and finally even stories of its beauty will fade from our knowing. Richard Bach: One.
Lesson Seventy Five: Do you sit by and let yourself be convinced that this is all there is to life? Are you willing to sacrifice your inner self to make sure things don't go wrong? Think about the choices you make, the masks you wear. Realize that you have be able to see the sunrise to truly live the new day.
655 to go...
Locks
Day 74. Locks.
Ever meet someone that you felt an immediate connection with? Someone that seems to know you better than they should, considering how little time you've had together. A person that you just "click" with, that you feel like you can say anything to and they won't walk out on you, or hang up on you. If you haven't, I hope that you do. It's an amazing feeling to find that missing piece of yourself, when you weren't even looking for it. And I'm not talking about goopy, sappy romantic lovey dovey stuff.
A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Richard Bach: One.
In "One", Richard runs into Leslie, a woman he knew for years, in a chance encounter. She's so not his type, and he's not hers, but they're not looking for anything but a friend. They start meeting to play chess and eat ice cream out of giant Jethro Bodine-sized bowls, and talk. And talk. For hours. About anything and everything. Hopes, dreams, mistakes, loss. He realizes it first: that they are like two halves of a seashell that was broken apart on the rocks, floated around for years and finally made their way back to the same beach.
Luck plays a part in helping you find that person. The one with the keys. And locks. I think the locks are as important as the keys. It's amazing when someone opens a lock you didn't even know you had. We're all created by the things we live through, and they sometimes forge locks we can't see. I've shed tears at things that opened up right in front of me, things I had closed myself off to so they didn't hurt me. How nice it is having someone that can fill in the missing gaps in your soul, places you didn't know were empty.
Never take lightly the value of someone you can talk freely with, it's a precious thing that many of us never find. The knowledge that your words are being heard, and you are not required to prove anything. Safety in the form of friendship, an equal partnership where both sides are free to express their reality. Paradise no longer lost, but found in the laughter and tears shared by adults who are comfortable enough with themselves to let the keys open the locks. That's when you can give your very best, and get theirs in return.
Lesson Sixty Four: Do you have someone you feel safe talking to, someone that really "gets" you? Are there times you just pour your heart out to them, knowing they won't judge you or be disappointed? Think about how lucky you are, how lucky they are, that the pieces have come together to complete you both. With both having being restrained by the locks you're both trying so hard to open, it's nice to know that someone has the keys.
656 to go...
Ever meet someone that you felt an immediate connection with? Someone that seems to know you better than they should, considering how little time you've had together. A person that you just "click" with, that you feel like you can say anything to and they won't walk out on you, or hang up on you. If you haven't, I hope that you do. It's an amazing feeling to find that missing piece of yourself, when you weren't even looking for it. And I'm not talking about goopy, sappy romantic lovey dovey stuff.
A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Richard Bach: One.
In "One", Richard runs into Leslie, a woman he knew for years, in a chance encounter. She's so not his type, and he's not hers, but they're not looking for anything but a friend. They start meeting to play chess and eat ice cream out of giant Jethro Bodine-sized bowls, and talk. And talk. For hours. About anything and everything. Hopes, dreams, mistakes, loss. He realizes it first: that they are like two halves of a seashell that was broken apart on the rocks, floated around for years and finally made their way back to the same beach.
Luck plays a part in helping you find that person. The one with the keys. And locks. I think the locks are as important as the keys. It's amazing when someone opens a lock you didn't even know you had. We're all created by the things we live through, and they sometimes forge locks we can't see. I've shed tears at things that opened up right in front of me, things I had closed myself off to so they didn't hurt me. How nice it is having someone that can fill in the missing gaps in your soul, places you didn't know were empty.
Never take lightly the value of someone you can talk freely with, it's a precious thing that many of us never find. The knowledge that your words are being heard, and you are not required to prove anything. Safety in the form of friendship, an equal partnership where both sides are free to express their reality. Paradise no longer lost, but found in the laughter and tears shared by adults who are comfortable enough with themselves to let the keys open the locks. That's when you can give your very best, and get theirs in return.
Lesson Sixty Four: Do you have someone you feel safe talking to, someone that really "gets" you? Are there times you just pour your heart out to them, knowing they won't judge you or be disappointed? Think about how lucky you are, how lucky they are, that the pieces have come together to complete you both. With both having being restrained by the locks you're both trying so hard to open, it's nice to know that someone has the keys.
656 to go...
Friday, November 21, 2014
Reasons
Day 73. Reasons.
Sometimes I just have one simple question: Why? No hidden meanings, not looking to solve the problems of the world, just plain and simple: Why? Why do my keys always fall to the bottom of my purse? Why can't the dogs realize I have to put my shoes on before we go outside? Why do people always have to make things difficult?
Everything is exactly as it is for a reason. The crumb on your table is no mystical reminder of this morning's cookie, it is there because you have chosen not to remove it. No exceptions.” Richard Bach, Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
As we've talked about being frozen in time, stuck in a seemingly unchangeable situation, living a life that is satisfying but not complete, I can't help but wonder: Why? I think the answer is as simple as Richard says. There's a reason for everything. We just have to figure out what that might be, and work out how to make the changes we know we need.
I fully admit I haven't been as proactive as I should have been about making changes that were long overdue. I can look back and count the opportunities I missed to do something different, to make another choice, to put myself in a better position. As the song says, "I've watched your love command you, and I've watched love pass you by." Rather than hurt others (which I now know I can't do, they allow themselves to be hurt), rather than lose face (never let them see your weaknesses), I've left cards on the table untouched. Didn't even peek at them, I left them face down, like pictures of a ex on the beside table. Scared to look at them, but even more afraid to throw them away.
I've skipped out on doing things that would've changed my career. I could've managed to pay for college, but I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to do. I took some courses at the community college to get the core stuff out of the way, but never did much with any of it. I think partially because I never was sure I would succeed. I figured it was easier to be a smart fish in a small pond than a big one. I've had jobs where I was thought of as one of the smartest people there, but never rose to any great height. Never wanted power either, I'm happy to be the one depended on but not in charge of others. More of a "doer" than a leader, but I can see where I should've done things different.
Maybe we call those things "reasons" to make ourselves feel better. I'm not sure they aren't excuses. Probably not all of them, but I know some are conscious choices to avoid possible outcomes that won't make us look... optimal. Not sure about all the concern about appearances: the people that matter, the ones that truly love us, and know our love for them, they know our truths. No secrets, no faking our way through things: they know our true selves.
Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world. Illusions.
Lesson Seventy Three: Are you holding onto someone or something to avoid a future you aren't entirely sure about? Do you delay decisions in fear of losing friendships, or love? Think about the things you know you want to change, and the reasons you haven't done anything about them. Changing your stars is easy: you begin by picking up the crumbs of the past, and tossing them into the bin of history.
657 to go...
Sometimes I just have one simple question: Why? No hidden meanings, not looking to solve the problems of the world, just plain and simple: Why? Why do my keys always fall to the bottom of my purse? Why can't the dogs realize I have to put my shoes on before we go outside? Why do people always have to make things difficult?
Everything is exactly as it is for a reason. The crumb on your table is no mystical reminder of this morning's cookie, it is there because you have chosen not to remove it. No exceptions.” Richard Bach, Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
As we've talked about being frozen in time, stuck in a seemingly unchangeable situation, living a life that is satisfying but not complete, I can't help but wonder: Why? I think the answer is as simple as Richard says. There's a reason for everything. We just have to figure out what that might be, and work out how to make the changes we know we need.
I fully admit I haven't been as proactive as I should have been about making changes that were long overdue. I can look back and count the opportunities I missed to do something different, to make another choice, to put myself in a better position. As the song says, "I've watched your love command you, and I've watched love pass you by." Rather than hurt others (which I now know I can't do, they allow themselves to be hurt), rather than lose face (never let them see your weaknesses), I've left cards on the table untouched. Didn't even peek at them, I left them face down, like pictures of a ex on the beside table. Scared to look at them, but even more afraid to throw them away.
I've skipped out on doing things that would've changed my career. I could've managed to pay for college, but I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to do. I took some courses at the community college to get the core stuff out of the way, but never did much with any of it. I think partially because I never was sure I would succeed. I figured it was easier to be a smart fish in a small pond than a big one. I've had jobs where I was thought of as one of the smartest people there, but never rose to any great height. Never wanted power either, I'm happy to be the one depended on but not in charge of others. More of a "doer" than a leader, but I can see where I should've done things different.
Maybe we call those things "reasons" to make ourselves feel better. I'm not sure they aren't excuses. Probably not all of them, but I know some are conscious choices to avoid possible outcomes that won't make us look... optimal. Not sure about all the concern about appearances: the people that matter, the ones that truly love us, and know our love for them, they know our truths. No secrets, no faking our way through things: they know our true selves.
Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world. Illusions.
Lesson Seventy Three: Are you holding onto someone or something to avoid a future you aren't entirely sure about? Do you delay decisions in fear of losing friendships, or love? Think about the things you know you want to change, and the reasons you haven't done anything about them. Changing your stars is easy: you begin by picking up the crumbs of the past, and tossing them into the bin of history.
657 to go...
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Diamonds
Day 72. Diamonds.
Rough couple days writing. Hard to look back at life and see the roads not taken, opportunities missed, things that might've been. None of us wants to feel like a failure, or a scaredy cat. Nor do we ever want the people we love to think we'd rather have had a life without them, something different that didn't include them. Our choices may seem selfish, to want more, and our attempts to understand why we settle for less is frustrating.
You don’t want a million answers as much as you want a few forever questions. The questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, bring you just the answers you need just the minute you need them.
Richard Bach, Running from Safety
There are always questions. Some are less important than others, like "What are we doing for dinner?" and "Does this dress make my butt look big?" We give casual answers to them, knowing the repercussions are small no matter our response. The "big" questions, answers to which are deal breakers, those are the ones that sometimes creep up on us in the dark. They are often ones that we're not sure what answer we're looking for, but when we get one we know if it's "right." Well, at least we know when it's "wrong."
A few important ones for me would be about loyalty. I admire loyalty, but not to a fault. It takes more strength to know when to walk away and protect ourselves than it does to remain and be miserable. There are sacrifices made to prove our loyalty, but they aren't badges of honor. You won't get a medal for "sticking it out", there are no prizes for being "the dependable one", and in 20 years no one will care or remember what you did.
One of the questions: "What would it take for you to walk away from our relationship and never look back?" My chances of keeping someone close are good, but the chances of pushing them away are greater. I'd like to know as much as I can about what that would take, since it's not about the love you give but the love you take for granted. Never letting someone think they are disposable is one of the most important things for me.
Another question: "If you could take back anything you've ever said or done, what would it be and why would you take it back? You meant it or you didn't say it, right?" Since we can never truly take anything back that we say or do, we have to be sure we can live with the pain those things may cause. Not that what we say or do causes pain (remember, someone has to let you hurt them,) but their perception that we have violated their trust, abandoned our loyalty to them is a key to happiness. We can't take things back, and until we know that, we can't expect others to be loyal to us.
Lesson Seventy Two: Do the answers to your important questions change how you feel about someone? Can you see the answers change over the course of time, sometimes space? Think about how if you had answered questions differently, taken another road, and realize that by remaining true to yourself, you line your path with diamonds of your own creation.
658 to go.
Rough couple days writing. Hard to look back at life and see the roads not taken, opportunities missed, things that might've been. None of us wants to feel like a failure, or a scaredy cat. Nor do we ever want the people we love to think we'd rather have had a life without them, something different that didn't include them. Our choices may seem selfish, to want more, and our attempts to understand why we settle for less is frustrating.
You don’t want a million answers as much as you want a few forever questions. The questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. The same questions, asked again, bring you just the answers you need just the minute you need them.
Richard Bach, Running from Safety
There are always questions. Some are less important than others, like "What are we doing for dinner?" and "Does this dress make my butt look big?" We give casual answers to them, knowing the repercussions are small no matter our response. The "big" questions, answers to which are deal breakers, those are the ones that sometimes creep up on us in the dark. They are often ones that we're not sure what answer we're looking for, but when we get one we know if it's "right." Well, at least we know when it's "wrong."
A few important ones for me would be about loyalty. I admire loyalty, but not to a fault. It takes more strength to know when to walk away and protect ourselves than it does to remain and be miserable. There are sacrifices made to prove our loyalty, but they aren't badges of honor. You won't get a medal for "sticking it out", there are no prizes for being "the dependable one", and in 20 years no one will care or remember what you did.
One of the questions: "What would it take for you to walk away from our relationship and never look back?" My chances of keeping someone close are good, but the chances of pushing them away are greater. I'd like to know as much as I can about what that would take, since it's not about the love you give but the love you take for granted. Never letting someone think they are disposable is one of the most important things for me.
Another question: "If you could take back anything you've ever said or done, what would it be and why would you take it back? You meant it or you didn't say it, right?" Since we can never truly take anything back that we say or do, we have to be sure we can live with the pain those things may cause. Not that what we say or do causes pain (remember, someone has to let you hurt them,) but their perception that we have violated their trust, abandoned our loyalty to them is a key to happiness. We can't take things back, and until we know that, we can't expect others to be loyal to us.
Lesson Seventy Two: Do the answers to your important questions change how you feel about someone? Can you see the answers change over the course of time, sometimes space? Think about how if you had answered questions differently, taken another road, and realize that by remaining true to yourself, you line your path with diamonds of your own creation.
658 to go.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Duty
Day 71. Duty.
In our youth, we had it all planned out. We were going to go to college, get great jobs, marry someone wonderful, have beautiful children, take long vacations in wonderful places, and live happily ever after. Wow. Who were we kidding?
Why had such a promising world been crucified on the tree of obligation, thorned by duties, hanged by hypocrisy, smothered by customs? Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever
So we accomplished most of our goals. Education, check. Job, check. Family, check. Fun times, check. Screeching halt, check. What the heck just happened? How did we end up here, on the couch? Why are we spending more hours at the office, dreading to go home? Why do we avoid family gatherings, in hopes of escaping the awkwardness? When did being a parent start to mean being a referee? Why does everything have to be so damn difficult?
I don't remember signing on for the crappy part of adulthood. I heard my grandmother tell me many times that someday I would wish to be a kid again. Man, she was right. The days of worrying about nothing but whose house we were going to spend Friday night at, and what movie we were going to see Saturday afternoon, I'd give good money to get them back. I'd trade the worries about taxes, healthcare expenses, and a mortgage for the stress of wondering what color corduroys were cool.
We all expect to give up things to be happy. We know there are sacrifices along the way. But I don't think any of us were prepared to be sitting where some of us are. Nobody explained that we'd give up such a big part of ourselves to make ourselves happy. No one wants to sacrifice the passion, the satisfaction we get from the love of another adult. But we do. None of us would willingly go without laughter, without the joy that comes from having someone to finish our sentences without even trying. But we do. We would not trade the shy smiles shared over breakfast, the silly grins exchanged as we hold hands walking down a quiet beach at sunset. But we do.
Happiness is a choice. It is not always an easy one. Richard Bach, Illusions
Lesson Seventy One: Do you find yourself in situations that you'd rather be somewhere else, ANYWHERE else? Are there moments when you are simply running in place, not moving forward or back? Think about where you are, and where you want to be. You have a duty to yourself to fulfill your dreams.
659 to go...
In our youth, we had it all planned out. We were going to go to college, get great jobs, marry someone wonderful, have beautiful children, take long vacations in wonderful places, and live happily ever after. Wow. Who were we kidding?
Why had such a promising world been crucified on the tree of obligation, thorned by duties, hanged by hypocrisy, smothered by customs? Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever
So we accomplished most of our goals. Education, check. Job, check. Family, check. Fun times, check. Screeching halt, check. What the heck just happened? How did we end up here, on the couch? Why are we spending more hours at the office, dreading to go home? Why do we avoid family gatherings, in hopes of escaping the awkwardness? When did being a parent start to mean being a referee? Why does everything have to be so damn difficult?
I don't remember signing on for the crappy part of adulthood. I heard my grandmother tell me many times that someday I would wish to be a kid again. Man, she was right. The days of worrying about nothing but whose house we were going to spend Friday night at, and what movie we were going to see Saturday afternoon, I'd give good money to get them back. I'd trade the worries about taxes, healthcare expenses, and a mortgage for the stress of wondering what color corduroys were cool.
We all expect to give up things to be happy. We know there are sacrifices along the way. But I don't think any of us were prepared to be sitting where some of us are. Nobody explained that we'd give up such a big part of ourselves to make ourselves happy. No one wants to sacrifice the passion, the satisfaction we get from the love of another adult. But we do. None of us would willingly go without laughter, without the joy that comes from having someone to finish our sentences without even trying. But we do. We would not trade the shy smiles shared over breakfast, the silly grins exchanged as we hold hands walking down a quiet beach at sunset. But we do.
Happiness is a choice. It is not always an easy one. Richard Bach, Illusions
Lesson Seventy One: Do you find yourself in situations that you'd rather be somewhere else, ANYWHERE else? Are there moments when you are simply running in place, not moving forward or back? Think about where you are, and where you want to be. You have a duty to yourself to fulfill your dreams.
659 to go...
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Freedom
Day 70. Freedom.
Most of us understand the price of freedom. It is never free, it often comes with a cost few are willing to pay. We watch as our soldiers defend our Country against enemies, we watch as slaves in third-world countries struggle to be free. A more personal battle for freedom lies close to many of us: a test we must pass before we move on to greater things.
When we put up with any situation we don’t have to put up with, it’s not because we’re dumb. We put up with it, because we want the lesson only that situation can teach, and we want it more than freedom itself. Richard Bach, Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit
Not everyone is capable of escaping bad situations. It's hard to imagine an abused child finding a way out by themselves, they need the help of caring adults giving them the love they need. Abused spouses often remain loyal for decades, knowing there is a better place but unable to scrape together the courage to walk away. Eldercare sometimes contains abuses of the harshest kind upon some of the most fragile, yet they often have no recourse but to lay silently in pain and hope their loved ones notice the bruises. These things seem to have an easy answer: just leave. But as anyone who's been there knows, its not so cut and dry. While all are poor substitutes for a decent life, the most difficult to escape is less obvious. No abuse, no bruises, simply a life without love.
We all know someone who's been trapped by their love for someone that they seem blind to anything negative. The cheating spouse, that "everyone" has seen around town with someone else, but the faithful wife refuses to admit it wasn't her perfume on his clothes. The husband who has dinner alone, while his wife is out work her single co-worker friends "just once or twice a week, it's no big deal." The middle-aged woman, feeling alone and cold, while her spouse is working late "again." The girlfriend that just has to have her "girls night out" while the boyfriend wonders why the bar scene is still important if she really wants a commitment from him.
Worse than that, the couple that sits at home night after night, yet might as well be on different planets. He's reading the paper, she's napping in the recliner. They speak in grunts at one another, barely hearing the questions that go unanswered. No one ever really cared about the answer anyway, it was just busy talk. Keeping up appearances for the kids and grandkids, doing the usual holiday routine as if everything is normal. Both living one life during the daylight hours, and a lie after the sun sets. Both watching the clock tick faster, their lives passing in a blur, yet seemingly unable to move in a different direction. Maybe it's not a choice to stand there. Maybe it's because they're still learning from the experience. But what lesson is there in misery? In loneliness?
The price of freedom is, as I said before, sometimes more than we are willing to pay. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of losing our family, our friends. All those risks, all the unknowns, all the things that can go wrong. Easier to be miserable where you are than to take a chance and lose everything, right?
Nope You have to be willing to risk EVERYTHING to have ANYTHING.
Bonus quote from Richard Bach: Bad things are not the worst things that an happen to us. NOTHING is the worst thing that can happen to us.
Lesson Seventy: Are you willing to wait for things to happen? Can you find the freedom you seek sitting on your couch? Think about what it takes to find YOUR freedom, and reach for that brass ring.
660 to go...
Most of us understand the price of freedom. It is never free, it often comes with a cost few are willing to pay. We watch as our soldiers defend our Country against enemies, we watch as slaves in third-world countries struggle to be free. A more personal battle for freedom lies close to many of us: a test we must pass before we move on to greater things.
When we put up with any situation we don’t have to put up with, it’s not because we’re dumb. We put up with it, because we want the lesson only that situation can teach, and we want it more than freedom itself. Richard Bach, Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit
Not everyone is capable of escaping bad situations. It's hard to imagine an abused child finding a way out by themselves, they need the help of caring adults giving them the love they need. Abused spouses often remain loyal for decades, knowing there is a better place but unable to scrape together the courage to walk away. Eldercare sometimes contains abuses of the harshest kind upon some of the most fragile, yet they often have no recourse but to lay silently in pain and hope their loved ones notice the bruises. These things seem to have an easy answer: just leave. But as anyone who's been there knows, its not so cut and dry. While all are poor substitutes for a decent life, the most difficult to escape is less obvious. No abuse, no bruises, simply a life without love.
We all know someone who's been trapped by their love for someone that they seem blind to anything negative. The cheating spouse, that "everyone" has seen around town with someone else, but the faithful wife refuses to admit it wasn't her perfume on his clothes. The husband who has dinner alone, while his wife is out work her single co-worker friends "just once or twice a week, it's no big deal." The middle-aged woman, feeling alone and cold, while her spouse is working late "again." The girlfriend that just has to have her "girls night out" while the boyfriend wonders why the bar scene is still important if she really wants a commitment from him.
Worse than that, the couple that sits at home night after night, yet might as well be on different planets. He's reading the paper, she's napping in the recliner. They speak in grunts at one another, barely hearing the questions that go unanswered. No one ever really cared about the answer anyway, it was just busy talk. Keeping up appearances for the kids and grandkids, doing the usual holiday routine as if everything is normal. Both living one life during the daylight hours, and a lie after the sun sets. Both watching the clock tick faster, their lives passing in a blur, yet seemingly unable to move in a different direction. Maybe it's not a choice to stand there. Maybe it's because they're still learning from the experience. But what lesson is there in misery? In loneliness?
The price of freedom is, as I said before, sometimes more than we are willing to pay. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of losing our family, our friends. All those risks, all the unknowns, all the things that can go wrong. Easier to be miserable where you are than to take a chance and lose everything, right?
Nope You have to be willing to risk EVERYTHING to have ANYTHING.
Bonus quote from Richard Bach: Bad things are not the worst things that an happen to us. NOTHING is the worst thing that can happen to us.
Lesson Seventy: Are you willing to wait for things to happen? Can you find the freedom you seek sitting on your couch? Think about what it takes to find YOUR freedom, and reach for that brass ring.
660 to go...
Monday, November 17, 2014
Flying
Day 69. Flying.
I mentioned that Illusions is only one of Richard Bach's novels. Most of us read his first back in junior high. We probably have no idea now what he was talking about back then, but it's not much different than his other books. He was talking about self-realization.
We choose our next world through what we learn in this one. Learn nothing, and the next world is the same as this one, all the same limitations and lead weights to overcome. from Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
I'm a believer in that we live many lifetimes. I think we are given the same chances over and over, repeating lives until we get them right. Our mistakes follow us from one to the other, unless we learn from them, which I'm fairly certain doesn't happen after just one. We get so focused on one thing or the other, we miss the chances for happiness. So we get a do-over. Just have to wait until the next lifetime to take that wheel.
I know I've learned more about what not to do than what to do. I've learned not to go to bed angry, never hang up the phone without saying "I love you," and don't ever miss a chance to hug someone you love. I know that walking out on someone is bad idea, always getting in the last word might indeed be your last word to someone, and letting go of something you love is harder than anything you'll do.
The lessons of the past are meant to stop the mistakes of the future. I know I do not want to spend any more time grieving, any more nights lonely, any more days wondering where I'm going. I wish I hadn't wasted the time I have on any of that, but now I know. I had to learn the hard way, but I won't let it happen again. I'll make other mistakes, but not those. I refuse to accept the limitations they place on my freedom, and won't be held down by the weight of their burden.
I remember one of the most important parts of "Seagull": he learns that flying is the most important thing. Flying, for Jonathan, is everything. More than food, more than family, flying is life. As it should be with humans. Remember, Richard taught us about freedom, that we are free to do anything we want to do.
Lesson Sixty Nine: Do you bear unnecessary burdens from your past? Are there things/people that you can't seem to shed, even if you know you need to? Think about how you can make your next life better by learning from this one. Learn to fly.
691 to go...
I mentioned that Illusions is only one of Richard Bach's novels. Most of us read his first back in junior high. We probably have no idea now what he was talking about back then, but it's not much different than his other books. He was talking about self-realization.
We choose our next world through what we learn in this one. Learn nothing, and the next world is the same as this one, all the same limitations and lead weights to overcome. from Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
I'm a believer in that we live many lifetimes. I think we are given the same chances over and over, repeating lives until we get them right. Our mistakes follow us from one to the other, unless we learn from them, which I'm fairly certain doesn't happen after just one. We get so focused on one thing or the other, we miss the chances for happiness. So we get a do-over. Just have to wait until the next lifetime to take that wheel.
I know I've learned more about what not to do than what to do. I've learned not to go to bed angry, never hang up the phone without saying "I love you," and don't ever miss a chance to hug someone you love. I know that walking out on someone is bad idea, always getting in the last word might indeed be your last word to someone, and letting go of something you love is harder than anything you'll do.
The lessons of the past are meant to stop the mistakes of the future. I know I do not want to spend any more time grieving, any more nights lonely, any more days wondering where I'm going. I wish I hadn't wasted the time I have on any of that, but now I know. I had to learn the hard way, but I won't let it happen again. I'll make other mistakes, but not those. I refuse to accept the limitations they place on my freedom, and won't be held down by the weight of their burden.
I remember one of the most important parts of "Seagull": he learns that flying is the most important thing. Flying, for Jonathan, is everything. More than food, more than family, flying is life. As it should be with humans. Remember, Richard taught us about freedom, that we are free to do anything we want to do.
Lesson Sixty Nine: Do you bear unnecessary burdens from your past? Are there things/people that you can't seem to shed, even if you know you need to? Think about how you can make your next life better by learning from this one. Learn to fly.
691 to go...
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Mistakes
Day 68. Mistakes.
There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go. Richard Bach: One.
Switching to another of his books, Richard gives another message about how we are the ones in charge of our own lives, our own destinies. It may seem otherwise, but we are truly masters of our own fate.
In 2006, after commuting 150 miles a day for work, a move from where I grew up and spent my adult life seemed a good idea. Not tied to the home we lived in, a fresh start in a place of our own was right. A few years to heal from losing Kathie and the grandson we'd never know, somewhere that everything didn't feel like her, smell like her, look like her.... she haunts me still, but back then I thought I could just move away from it. Ha, said life. That event moved me past things I wanted to get past, but struck me on another path full of potholes.
Shortly afterwards, Dave got hurt at work. So the entire financial burden fell on me. Which wasn't impossible, just unworkable. No money for any extras, we were stuck at home which led to plenty of misery. He was never happy after that, which didn't make my happiness easy. I believe happiness is flexible: what makes us happy one day might not the next. What we find pleasure in once, we may never again. The events in those few years cost us both. But the choice to get out of the financial burden was a blessing, and I'd be so screwed today if I was there alone.
Changing jobs in 2009 wasn't my choice really, but it worked out. Obamanomics still has the aviation industry on its knees, and as much as I miss it I wouldn't go back I don't think. The poor economy doesn't offer much promise, so I'll stick with what I have now. The events of 9-11 sent me down a different path nearly ten years later, but I don't regret it.
As a teen, I rebelled silently. I was a drinker at an early age, and did my share of experimentation later on. Still made straight A's, never missed school. All that taught me was that you can fake your way through anything. Another lesson for later on in life, when I needed to get through a couple memorial services I never planned on having.
These events, these steps in my life that I probably wouldn't have chosen to take, I'm sure of my involvement in all of them. There are things I could have done to affect them all, but I either did the wrong thing or did nothing. Did I learn from them? I sure hope so. Will I stop making mistakes that steer me off course? Probably not. All part of the human condition. But they all bring me to a place where I need to be. Right here, with you. Teaching you what I've learned along the way. That's the place I'm supposed to be,
Lesson Sixty Eight: Do you have moments in your life you know you should have made a different choice? Are there times you can look back on and know that had you done something different, your life might not be what it is now? Take time to learn from these events, realize that you made those choices with the knowledge of where you were headed, and know that where you are is okay. You chose the path after all, even if it was the most complicated one.
662 to go...
Thanks for all the clicks yesterday. I thought that was an important subject to talk about, and I'm glad you did, too.
There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go. Richard Bach: One.
Switching to another of his books, Richard gives another message about how we are the ones in charge of our own lives, our own destinies. It may seem otherwise, but we are truly masters of our own fate.
In 2006, after commuting 150 miles a day for work, a move from where I grew up and spent my adult life seemed a good idea. Not tied to the home we lived in, a fresh start in a place of our own was right. A few years to heal from losing Kathie and the grandson we'd never know, somewhere that everything didn't feel like her, smell like her, look like her.... she haunts me still, but back then I thought I could just move away from it. Ha, said life. That event moved me past things I wanted to get past, but struck me on another path full of potholes.
Shortly afterwards, Dave got hurt at work. So the entire financial burden fell on me. Which wasn't impossible, just unworkable. No money for any extras, we were stuck at home which led to plenty of misery. He was never happy after that, which didn't make my happiness easy. I believe happiness is flexible: what makes us happy one day might not the next. What we find pleasure in once, we may never again. The events in those few years cost us both. But the choice to get out of the financial burden was a blessing, and I'd be so screwed today if I was there alone.
Changing jobs in 2009 wasn't my choice really, but it worked out. Obamanomics still has the aviation industry on its knees, and as much as I miss it I wouldn't go back I don't think. The poor economy doesn't offer much promise, so I'll stick with what I have now. The events of 9-11 sent me down a different path nearly ten years later, but I don't regret it.
As a teen, I rebelled silently. I was a drinker at an early age, and did my share of experimentation later on. Still made straight A's, never missed school. All that taught me was that you can fake your way through anything. Another lesson for later on in life, when I needed to get through a couple memorial services I never planned on having.
These events, these steps in my life that I probably wouldn't have chosen to take, I'm sure of my involvement in all of them. There are things I could have done to affect them all, but I either did the wrong thing or did nothing. Did I learn from them? I sure hope so. Will I stop making mistakes that steer me off course? Probably not. All part of the human condition. But they all bring me to a place where I need to be. Right here, with you. Teaching you what I've learned along the way. That's the place I'm supposed to be,
Lesson Sixty Eight: Do you have moments in your life you know you should have made a different choice? Are there times you can look back on and know that had you done something different, your life might not be what it is now? Take time to learn from these events, realize that you made those choices with the knowledge of where you were headed, and know that where you are is okay. You chose the path after all, even if it was the most complicated one.
662 to go...
Thanks for all the clicks yesterday. I thought that was an important subject to talk about, and I'm glad you did, too.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Scars
Day 67. Scars.
One of my favorite songs is Glass, by Thompson Square. One of the verses speaks very loudly to me. Almost like they see my life, past and present. Like they can see my scars.
I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,
And in the darkness of this moment,
You see the good and bad.
But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,
But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.
I'm proud of my scars. They mean I went through some crap and survived. That I can take the bad stuff but still remain standing. Beaten, bruised, but not broken. I'm learning a lesson about that, from someone who listens without judging me. Someone who I've found to be very easy to talk to, who doesn't think I'm crazy, or weird, or foolish. All they do is listen. I realize now that by doing that, they are also teaching me.
I've talked about my childhood before, I've talked about relationships gone bad. I've lost loved ones that I still miss every day, but I shouldn't be thinking about that. I should be thinking about what I've gained. My scars shouldn't represent bad memories. They should be inspirations, signs that I can overcome things that would reduce many people to puddles of mush. I really don't need to be afraid to share my stories, but I need to focus on the positive things that have come from them.
I've learned that to love someone unconditionally is the only real way to love anyone, including yourself. I figured out that once love is gone, holding onto what used to be might seem foolish but sometimes its all you can do. I realized that sometimes the only thing that keeps us going is memories of the good times, and sometimes that's enough. I found out love is not limited to just one person or just one lifetime, that you can find it over and over again.
I see now, looking back through the prism of my life, that everything you do, everyone you know, everything you are, leads you to the next thing, the next person, the next you. The events of your life, the people you draw into that life, the changes you make in yourself: they are all part of the plan to create YOU.
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. Yes, Richard Bach. We hear you. Loud and clear.
Lesson Sixty Seven: Do you love yourself? Do you think you have become a better person because of the events that shaped your life? Think about how angry you get when bad things happen, or you make bad choices. Those scars you have? It's where you kept pulling off your wings. Give them a chance to grow, you just might like flying.
663 to go...
One of my favorite songs is Glass, by Thompson Square. One of the verses speaks very loudly to me. Almost like they see my life, past and present. Like they can see my scars.
I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,
And in the darkness of this moment,
You see the good and bad.
But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,
But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.
I'm proud of my scars. They mean I went through some crap and survived. That I can take the bad stuff but still remain standing. Beaten, bruised, but not broken. I'm learning a lesson about that, from someone who listens without judging me. Someone who I've found to be very easy to talk to, who doesn't think I'm crazy, or weird, or foolish. All they do is listen. I realize now that by doing that, they are also teaching me.
I've talked about my childhood before, I've talked about relationships gone bad. I've lost loved ones that I still miss every day, but I shouldn't be thinking about that. I should be thinking about what I've gained. My scars shouldn't represent bad memories. They should be inspirations, signs that I can overcome things that would reduce many people to puddles of mush. I really don't need to be afraid to share my stories, but I need to focus on the positive things that have come from them.
I've learned that to love someone unconditionally is the only real way to love anyone, including yourself. I figured out that once love is gone, holding onto what used to be might seem foolish but sometimes its all you can do. I realized that sometimes the only thing that keeps us going is memories of the good times, and sometimes that's enough. I found out love is not limited to just one person or just one lifetime, that you can find it over and over again.
I see now, looking back through the prism of my life, that everything you do, everyone you know, everything you are, leads you to the next thing, the next person, the next you. The events of your life, the people you draw into that life, the changes you make in yourself: they are all part of the plan to create YOU.
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. Yes, Richard Bach. We hear you. Loud and clear.
Lesson Sixty Seven: Do you love yourself? Do you think you have become a better person because of the events that shaped your life? Think about how angry you get when bad things happen, or you make bad choices. Those scars you have? It's where you kept pulling off your wings. Give them a chance to grow, you just might like flying.
663 to go...
Friday, November 14, 2014
Friendships
Day 66. Friendships.
Chances are 100% that if you're reading this, we're friends. Maybe we met as coworkers at some point in the last 35 years. You could be someone I knew in high school. Relatives are also friends, if we're lucky. Another group would be my NASCAR friends, as well as my cat-lover friends. Then there's the moron horde of political folks. Half of you are random people I associate with simply because the internet exists.
I count you all equally. I don't really distinguish between the groups I know in the physical world and the virtual world. I try to merge them as much as I can. I've had awesome road trips to meet race friends, and even though we're slack about repeats the morons make for great memories. Even if some crazy woman from Virginia tries to lick you. yeah, there's a story. And a picture somewhere. Weirdo.
I'd have to say I have been lucky in that I have some long-term friendships. A Swedish foreign exchange student from our high school in 1980, who's now in the US, and probably 25 other HS friends. Several coworkers from the 1990s, one of which has been there for me more times than I can count. A few people that I've never met in real life, I've been friends with for over a dozen years. The one furtherest away, over in Malaysia, I actually got to see in 2008. Very cool.
Some people don't "get" friendships. They consider friends as disposable people. I hope none of mine ever feel that way, because I put a lot of effort into cultivating the relationships. I try to know where people live, birthdays, family members, pets, things they like to do. Just because we're only connected via the internet doesn't mean we can't know each other well. It's not just some game we play, being friends. It's very real, and precious.
I sign off Facebook every night with what I hope is a witty message, and end it with an expression of love. I do mean that, in case you wonder. Not something I toss around, when I say it, I mean it. Wait til you need me for something, and you'll see how much I care. Not that I have to prove anything, but I'll be there.
Lesson Sixty Six: Are there friendships you wish you still had, from times gone by? Do you think about people you wish you were still in touch with? Think about finding one of them, you know there's tools on the internet to help. Just do it. You'll be pleasantly surprised.
664 to go....
Chances are 100% that if you're reading this, we're friends. Maybe we met as coworkers at some point in the last 35 years. You could be someone I knew in high school. Relatives are also friends, if we're lucky. Another group would be my NASCAR friends, as well as my cat-lover friends. Then there's the moron horde of political folks. Half of you are random people I associate with simply because the internet exists.
I count you all equally. I don't really distinguish between the groups I know in the physical world and the virtual world. I try to merge them as much as I can. I've had awesome road trips to meet race friends, and even though we're slack about repeats the morons make for great memories. Even if some crazy woman from Virginia tries to lick you. yeah, there's a story. And a picture somewhere. Weirdo.
I'd have to say I have been lucky in that I have some long-term friendships. A Swedish foreign exchange student from our high school in 1980, who's now in the US, and probably 25 other HS friends. Several coworkers from the 1990s, one of which has been there for me more times than I can count. A few people that I've never met in real life, I've been friends with for over a dozen years. The one furtherest away, over in Malaysia, I actually got to see in 2008. Very cool.
Some people don't "get" friendships. They consider friends as disposable people. I hope none of mine ever feel that way, because I put a lot of effort into cultivating the relationships. I try to know where people live, birthdays, family members, pets, things they like to do. Just because we're only connected via the internet doesn't mean we can't know each other well. It's not just some game we play, being friends. It's very real, and precious.
I sign off Facebook every night with what I hope is a witty message, and end it with an expression of love. I do mean that, in case you wonder. Not something I toss around, when I say it, I mean it. Wait til you need me for something, and you'll see how much I care. Not that I have to prove anything, but I'll be there.
Lesson Sixty Six: Are there friendships you wish you still had, from times gone by? Do you think about people you wish you were still in touch with? Think about finding one of them, you know there's tools on the internet to help. Just do it. You'll be pleasantly surprised.
664 to go....
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Conscience
Day 63. Conscience.
Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully. Richard Bach. Illusions: The Adventures of A Reluctant Messiah.
You've read the book by now, right? Okay, I'll give you a few more weeks, but I really would like it if you read it this year. Six weeks, you can do that, right? If you need a copy, let me know. I have a few still laying around I need to share.
The section where conscience comes up is one of the sillier moments, when Donald Shimoda is teaching Richard about choices. The ones we make that affect others. No matter what you do in life, good or bad, right or wrong, it affects others. Sometimes those choices hurt. But it's not your choices that can hurt others. That's their choice: to be hurt or not.
Shimoda uses a fake vampire to threaten Richard to the point of violence, then pulls it back. Showing Richard that both he and the vampire had choices. Richard had lived with the pre-conditioned notion that even if we are free to do what we want, we can't hurt the people around us. I agree with Shimoda: we have to learn that we can't hurt others. Yeah, crazy, right? But hear us out.
We choose to be hurt. Or not be hurt. It's US who decides. Not someone else. The vampire story is a simple example. When threatened with giving up his blood, Richard says he will kill the vampire before that happens. Richard is free to follow through on that: he can give up his blood, ignore the threat, tie up the vampire, drive a stake through his heart. The vampire also has choices: forget about it, run away, resist by fighting back. Choices that can cause him pain. Or not. Same for Richard. Some hurt, some don't.
Choices we make, things we do. We can see the paths we need to take, and the effects on others. We can't make choices that will spare others, we can only please ourselves. We can't hurt them, they have to let us cause them pain, and we enlightened souls don't let that happen. We are resilient. We choose life, and love, and happiness, and freedom.
"We are all. Free. To do. Whatever. We want. To do."
Lesson Sixty Three: Do you sacrifice your own happiness in exchange for what you believe is least hurtful to those around you? Have you ever gave up on something out of fear of the harm it might do? You might not know Shimoda yet, but trust yourself like he trusts you. He can't hurt you, remember?
667 to go...
Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness. Listen to it carefully. Richard Bach. Illusions: The Adventures of A Reluctant Messiah.
You've read the book by now, right? Okay, I'll give you a few more weeks, but I really would like it if you read it this year. Six weeks, you can do that, right? If you need a copy, let me know. I have a few still laying around I need to share.
The section where conscience comes up is one of the sillier moments, when Donald Shimoda is teaching Richard about choices. The ones we make that affect others. No matter what you do in life, good or bad, right or wrong, it affects others. Sometimes those choices hurt. But it's not your choices that can hurt others. That's their choice: to be hurt or not.
Shimoda uses a fake vampire to threaten Richard to the point of violence, then pulls it back. Showing Richard that both he and the vampire had choices. Richard had lived with the pre-conditioned notion that even if we are free to do what we want, we can't hurt the people around us. I agree with Shimoda: we have to learn that we can't hurt others. Yeah, crazy, right? But hear us out.
We choose to be hurt. Or not be hurt. It's US who decides. Not someone else. The vampire story is a simple example. When threatened with giving up his blood, Richard says he will kill the vampire before that happens. Richard is free to follow through on that: he can give up his blood, ignore the threat, tie up the vampire, drive a stake through his heart. The vampire also has choices: forget about it, run away, resist by fighting back. Choices that can cause him pain. Or not. Same for Richard. Some hurt, some don't.
Choices we make, things we do. We can see the paths we need to take, and the effects on others. We can't make choices that will spare others, we can only please ourselves. We can't hurt them, they have to let us cause them pain, and we enlightened souls don't let that happen. We are resilient. We choose life, and love, and happiness, and freedom.
"We are all. Free. To do. Whatever. We want. To do."
Lesson Sixty Three: Do you sacrifice your own happiness in exchange for what you believe is least hurtful to those around you? Have you ever gave up on something out of fear of the harm it might do? You might not know Shimoda yet, but trust yourself like he trusts you. He can't hurt you, remember?
667 to go...
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Frustrations
Day 62. Frustrations.
Short post today, my aggravation level is high.
Dealing with other people's crap. That's half of life's frustrations. Most of what we deal with is because of other's screwups or inactions. Not saying we don't make mistakes of our own, but "cleanup on aisle 7" isn't as funny when it affects your life constantly.
It probably happens at work more than anywhere. Someone else takes the easy road, leaving out details that make your part of the job harder. Things that should be done in advance are put off until there's an emergency and panic ensues. In my first aviation job, we changed the name from Maintenance Control to Maintenance Chaos. We didn't act in advance, we reacted.
I could make a list of hundreds of examples where drama created by others has done nothing but frustrate me. Daily, it seems. I try not to dwell on them, but sometime it just gets more than I can take.
Lesson Sixty Two: Don't be a dick.
668 to go...
Short post today, my aggravation level is high.
Dealing with other people's crap. That's half of life's frustrations. Most of what we deal with is because of other's screwups or inactions. Not saying we don't make mistakes of our own, but "cleanup on aisle 7" isn't as funny when it affects your life constantly.
It probably happens at work more than anywhere. Someone else takes the easy road, leaving out details that make your part of the job harder. Things that should be done in advance are put off until there's an emergency and panic ensues. In my first aviation job, we changed the name from Maintenance Control to Maintenance Chaos. We didn't act in advance, we reacted.
I could make a list of hundreds of examples where drama created by others has done nothing but frustrate me. Daily, it seems. I try not to dwell on them, but sometime it just gets more than I can take.
Lesson Sixty Two: Don't be a dick.
668 to go...
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Directions
Day 61.
A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction or at such a speed. It feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons. Richard Bach, Illusions.
We think we have made the right choices, chosen the right path, put ourselves with the right people. We believe we've don't all we can to set ourselves up for the future we want and deserve. It's right there for the taking, we just have to reach for it....just a little further now, reach.... OOPS. How'd you end up there on the floor, on your back? God's plan was a little different than what you had worked out. Betcha didn't see that coming, did ya? Looking at the ground, it's hard to see what's right in front of you.
There's always that nagging little feeling, in the back of your mind. That you've missed some detail, some nuance, that would change everything. The knowledge that something might go wrong, you might have to change the plan. But forward you go, into the fray that is your life. A little advance knowledge would be nice, just to prepare you for when the crap hits the fan, right?
Unless you're willing to quit staring at the ground, looking at the feet of people scurrying by you like rats being herded into a cage, you'll never see it coming. When you can raise yourself up high enough to look down at the things you're doing from a bird's eye view, from a point of strength instead of weakness, THEN you can see the road ahead. The bridge that's out, the tree fallen across the road, the flooded parking lot where you've left your dreams.
When you can turn over the complications, release the pre-conceived notion that the plan of your own making isn't something that's doable, only then will you see who is in control. You're just a bystander until you realize you have to be lifted up above the clouds to get a good look at things. No waiting on the ground, satisfied being pushed along by the breeze. Climb the tallest tree, and look around. See for yourself.
Lesson Sixty One: Are you content with being herded into life's cage? Why have dreams if all you're going to do is watch them pass you by? Think about how you are manipulated by the choices you've made, and realize that if there's a way in, there's also a way out.
669 to go...
A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction or at such a speed. It feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons. Richard Bach, Illusions.
We think we have made the right choices, chosen the right path, put ourselves with the right people. We believe we've don't all we can to set ourselves up for the future we want and deserve. It's right there for the taking, we just have to reach for it....just a little further now, reach.... OOPS. How'd you end up there on the floor, on your back? God's plan was a little different than what you had worked out. Betcha didn't see that coming, did ya? Looking at the ground, it's hard to see what's right in front of you.
There's always that nagging little feeling, in the back of your mind. That you've missed some detail, some nuance, that would change everything. The knowledge that something might go wrong, you might have to change the plan. But forward you go, into the fray that is your life. A little advance knowledge would be nice, just to prepare you for when the crap hits the fan, right?
Unless you're willing to quit staring at the ground, looking at the feet of people scurrying by you like rats being herded into a cage, you'll never see it coming. When you can raise yourself up high enough to look down at the things you're doing from a bird's eye view, from a point of strength instead of weakness, THEN you can see the road ahead. The bridge that's out, the tree fallen across the road, the flooded parking lot where you've left your dreams.
When you can turn over the complications, release the pre-conceived notion that the plan of your own making isn't something that's doable, only then will you see who is in control. You're just a bystander until you realize you have to be lifted up above the clouds to get a good look at things. No waiting on the ground, satisfied being pushed along by the breeze. Climb the tallest tree, and look around. See for yourself.
Lesson Sixty One: Are you content with being herded into life's cage? Why have dreams if all you're going to do is watch them pass you by? Think about how you are manipulated by the choices you've made, and realize that if there's a way in, there's also a way out.
669 to go...
Monday, November 10, 2014
Loyalty.
Day 60. Loyalty.
As a Sons of Anarchy fan, I've learned a lot about loyalty from the show. My thoughts the other day about being true to yourself just reinforces what I think about being loyal when I think about the allegiances portayed by the characters on that show.
Loosely based on the great Shakespearean play Hamlet, the characters in Sons share the same fatal flaws as the troubled family in Hamlet. Saddest of all is Opie. The name being similar to Ophelia isn't lost on fans of either Shakespear or Kurt Sutter. They both loved their father and were loyal to him more than anyone knew. Both gave their lives after losing their way after their father's death, yet reamining loyal to their best friend.
Jax is of course, Halmet. Son of one King, stepson of another, he fights an internal battle. After reading his father's journal, and hearing a twisted version of the truth from his month, Jax tries to stay loyal to what he thinks his father would've wanted without killing the stepfather that's ruining everything around him. Likewise, Hamlet passed on killing Claudious while plotting revenge.
The Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern are well disguised in both play and television. The Nomads and a former Nomad Frankie Diamonds get used by Clay to disrupt Jax taking over the club. Hamlet had to battle internal betrayals that broke his heart.
Gravediggers often provide a bit of comedy for those they are loyal to, and in SoA we had Half Sack and Chuckie. They both proved their loyalty many times along the way, while allowing themselves to be the butt of the jokes among the club. The gravediggers in Hamlet knew the final truths of what happened.
Gemma of course, is the Queen of Denmark. Hoping to keep herself at the top of the heap, her betrayals are the loudest of all. She betrays her first husband, throws her second husband under the bus when blamed for the death of the first. You would think she's being loyal to her son, but she's only looking out for herself.
Lots of loyalty in Hamlet, lots of loyalty in Sons of Anarchy. But when you think about it, they both show us what Richard Bach said in Illusions, only Shakespear used less words: To thine own self, be true.
Lesson Sixty: All around us, our life is filled with people who seem to be loyal. Can you predict the end of where their loyalts goes? Do you know how far you can trust those around you? Think about how people fail each other every day, and try to limit the damage as you protect yourself.
680 to go...
As a Sons of Anarchy fan, I've learned a lot about loyalty from the show. My thoughts the other day about being true to yourself just reinforces what I think about being loyal when I think about the allegiances portayed by the characters on that show.
Loosely based on the great Shakespearean play Hamlet, the characters in Sons share the same fatal flaws as the troubled family in Hamlet. Saddest of all is Opie. The name being similar to Ophelia isn't lost on fans of either Shakespear or Kurt Sutter. They both loved their father and were loyal to him more than anyone knew. Both gave their lives after losing their way after their father's death, yet reamining loyal to their best friend.
Jax is of course, Halmet. Son of one King, stepson of another, he fights an internal battle. After reading his father's journal, and hearing a twisted version of the truth from his month, Jax tries to stay loyal to what he thinks his father would've wanted without killing the stepfather that's ruining everything around him. Likewise, Hamlet passed on killing Claudious while plotting revenge.
The Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern are well disguised in both play and television. The Nomads and a former Nomad Frankie Diamonds get used by Clay to disrupt Jax taking over the club. Hamlet had to battle internal betrayals that broke his heart.
Gravediggers often provide a bit of comedy for those they are loyal to, and in SoA we had Half Sack and Chuckie. They both proved their loyalty many times along the way, while allowing themselves to be the butt of the jokes among the club. The gravediggers in Hamlet knew the final truths of what happened.
Gemma of course, is the Queen of Denmark. Hoping to keep herself at the top of the heap, her betrayals are the loudest of all. She betrays her first husband, throws her second husband under the bus when blamed for the death of the first. You would think she's being loyal to her son, but she's only looking out for herself.
Lots of loyalty in Hamlet, lots of loyalty in Sons of Anarchy. But when you think about it, they both show us what Richard Bach said in Illusions, only Shakespear used less words: To thine own self, be true.
Lesson Sixty: All around us, our life is filled with people who seem to be loyal. Can you predict the end of where their loyalts goes? Do you know how far you can trust those around you? Think about how people fail each other every day, and try to limit the damage as you protect yourself.
680 to go...
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Images
Day 59. Images.
We talked awhile back about photographs, capturing memories instead of making them. I was thinking this morning about some of the images I have and how what they mean to me might be different than what they mean to others.
For example: a photo I took on a trip from here back to Lake Norman a few years ago, in a little community near us.
It looks like a hot mess of old signs and junk. I saw it as a place where they've collected history. There's fifty years worth of it, right outside that old building. It just needs someone to care about it again.
Another example: this one is from my front yard, looking west.
That looks like a picture of a storm getting ready to give us a rough time. It was actually after a storm, as it moved away from us. Why would anyone take a picture after a storm? Proof of life, so to speak.
One more, and I'll get to my point: you've seen me use this picture before.
Looks like an old tree, still standing. Never breaking, only bending. A romantic thought, but I saw it as defiance. In spite of being planted out in the middle of a pasture, with no protection from the elements, too far from the house for anyone to be bothered with, it stands.
Lesson Fifty Nine: Do you see meaning in not only in the images you capture, but in things you see every day? Is there hidden beauty inside everything? Think about things you normally wouldn't take a second glance at, and find the miracle inside. Remember whnen you look around you that things aren't always what they appear at first sight.
681 to go...
We talked awhile back about photographs, capturing memories instead of making them. I was thinking this morning about some of the images I have and how what they mean to me might be different than what they mean to others.
For example: a photo I took on a trip from here back to Lake Norman a few years ago, in a little community near us.
It looks like a hot mess of old signs and junk. I saw it as a place where they've collected history. There's fifty years worth of it, right outside that old building. It just needs someone to care about it again.
Another example: this one is from my front yard, looking west.
One more, and I'll get to my point: you've seen me use this picture before.
Looks like an old tree, still standing. Never breaking, only bending. A romantic thought, but I saw it as defiance. In spite of being planted out in the middle of a pasture, with no protection from the elements, too far from the house for anyone to be bothered with, it stands.
Lesson Fifty Nine: Do you see meaning in not only in the images you capture, but in things you see every day? Is there hidden beauty inside everything? Think about things you normally wouldn't take a second glance at, and find the miracle inside. Remember whnen you look around you that things aren't always what they appear at first sight.
681 to go...
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Patience
Day 58. Patience.
Something I never had much of was patience. The older I get, the less of it I have. Seems like life is on fast forward, moving at a pace way faster than I can keep up with, much less stay ahead of. Like in that Adam Sandler movie Click, the good times go by on fast forward and the bad time passes in slow motion.
I've always been aware of time. I've noticed my whole life that when we're having the best times, it's over all too soon. Good times with friends out on the town, suddenly it's 2 am and the clubs are closing. Having a blast on the lake with your pals, then it's sunset and the water fun is over. Enjoying quiet times snuggled on the couch with someone special, one of you relaxes a bit too much and falls asleep.
I've also seen how the very worst things drag on endlessly. Waiting for news on a loved one's medical emergency, the clock seems stopped. Standing in line at the courthouse, waiting to file paperwork to protect someone you care about from an abusive spouse, it takes days It seems. Sitting at the bedside of a sick parent who won't see tomorrow, you wonder why only a hour has passed.
Why does time seem so skewed against us? What is it that God is trying to tell us about the lives we live, when He grabs away the things we cherish in the blink of an eye, yet watches seemingly uninterested from the sidelines as our hearts break? Are we deserving of being denied the longer happiness, yet have earned the extended tears? Do we have some lesson to be learned from having our joys cut short and being forced to see our grief extended into what seems infinity?
Sure, there's a lesson. Richard Bach tells us about it, in Illusions. You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.
Your wish to have move time with someone you love? You get to hold their hand in their final moments. That wish to always be there for your family? Sit in the waiting room as the medical teams work to save a life. The wish to never be lost and alone? You can spend a year in the house you shared, waiting for a sign its okay to move on.
Lesson Fifty Eight: Do you have what it takes to wait things out? Are there times you just can't sit still, and feel the need to do SOMETHING? Think about the days past, and realize what you might've missed by being in a hurry. Just wait out the rough stuff, the good days will show their beauty again soon.
682 to go...
Something I never had much of was patience. The older I get, the less of it I have. Seems like life is on fast forward, moving at a pace way faster than I can keep up with, much less stay ahead of. Like in that Adam Sandler movie Click, the good times go by on fast forward and the bad time passes in slow motion.
I've always been aware of time. I've noticed my whole life that when we're having the best times, it's over all too soon. Good times with friends out on the town, suddenly it's 2 am and the clubs are closing. Having a blast on the lake with your pals, then it's sunset and the water fun is over. Enjoying quiet times snuggled on the couch with someone special, one of you relaxes a bit too much and falls asleep.
I've also seen how the very worst things drag on endlessly. Waiting for news on a loved one's medical emergency, the clock seems stopped. Standing in line at the courthouse, waiting to file paperwork to protect someone you care about from an abusive spouse, it takes days It seems. Sitting at the bedside of a sick parent who won't see tomorrow, you wonder why only a hour has passed.
Why does time seem so skewed against us? What is it that God is trying to tell us about the lives we live, when He grabs away the things we cherish in the blink of an eye, yet watches seemingly uninterested from the sidelines as our hearts break? Are we deserving of being denied the longer happiness, yet have earned the extended tears? Do we have some lesson to be learned from having our joys cut short and being forced to see our grief extended into what seems infinity?
Sure, there's a lesson. Richard Bach tells us about it, in Illusions. You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.
Your wish to have move time with someone you love? You get to hold their hand in their final moments. That wish to always be there for your family? Sit in the waiting room as the medical teams work to save a life. The wish to never be lost and alone? You can spend a year in the house you shared, waiting for a sign its okay to move on.
Lesson Fifty Eight: Do you have what it takes to wait things out? Are there times you just can't sit still, and feel the need to do SOMETHING? Think about the days past, and realize what you might've missed by being in a hurry. Just wait out the rough stuff, the good days will show their beauty again soon.
682 to go...
Friday, November 7, 2014
True
Day 57. True.
Finding inspiration in Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah again today. Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark of a fake messiah.
If you haven't read the book, you are probably having trouble keeping up with the blog. Lots of things I talk about come from ideas I got there. The best way to get a copy is have someone who has read it give you one. It just... works better like that. The magic of the book is that you find something you need to read exactly at the right time, and it works better if someone gives you the book because you need it. Trust me.
I hate fake people. Which, sadly, means I probably hate more people than I like. I'd like to think I can spot a fake. Even if it takes some time, even if they sneak past me and get into my life. If people can't be honest and truthful, they can't be ALL IN. People who are playing at being someone they're not don't have a place in my life. If you can't trust people around you enough to be your true self, you'll have a sad and miserable life.
I've mentioned before that Dave told me many times that I was the most selfish person he knew. It took me a long time to realize that he was channeling what he felt about himself onto me. I think he realized he took me for granted on a lot of things, but wasn't brave enough to do anything about it. Knowing my vulnerabilities, he could be sure I would accept the blame for whatever went wrong as my own failure, and would work twice as hard to be different. What he didn't know, and I never told him, not in 21 years, was that I was stronger than that. I gave up absorbing guilt decades ago. I am not responsible for anyone else's choices, good or bad. I protected me first. I was true to myself.
Not making promises you can't keep, never holding back your true feelings. Never letting your love for someone stop you from being honest with them. Always remember that you have to be true to you first, and the rest will follow.
Don't fool yourself into thinking you can't do something, can't be something more. Remember: Argue your limitations and soon enough, they're yours. Hold that mirror up close, look straight into it, and acknowledge it. You are a wonderful but very human being.
Lesson Fifty Seven: Are you able to be confident and believe in yourself and your decisions? Do you wander back and forth, debating if you are doing the right things? Think about who you are, and stop doubting it. If you believe in yourself, so will others.
683 to go...
Finding inspiration in Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah again today. Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark of a fake messiah.
If you haven't read the book, you are probably having trouble keeping up with the blog. Lots of things I talk about come from ideas I got there. The best way to get a copy is have someone who has read it give you one. It just... works better like that. The magic of the book is that you find something you need to read exactly at the right time, and it works better if someone gives you the book because you need it. Trust me.
I hate fake people. Which, sadly, means I probably hate more people than I like. I'd like to think I can spot a fake. Even if it takes some time, even if they sneak past me and get into my life. If people can't be honest and truthful, they can't be ALL IN. People who are playing at being someone they're not don't have a place in my life. If you can't trust people around you enough to be your true self, you'll have a sad and miserable life.
I've mentioned before that Dave told me many times that I was the most selfish person he knew. It took me a long time to realize that he was channeling what he felt about himself onto me. I think he realized he took me for granted on a lot of things, but wasn't brave enough to do anything about it. Knowing my vulnerabilities, he could be sure I would accept the blame for whatever went wrong as my own failure, and would work twice as hard to be different. What he didn't know, and I never told him, not in 21 years, was that I was stronger than that. I gave up absorbing guilt decades ago. I am not responsible for anyone else's choices, good or bad. I protected me first. I was true to myself.
Not making promises you can't keep, never holding back your true feelings. Never letting your love for someone stop you from being honest with them. Always remember that you have to be true to you first, and the rest will follow.
Don't fool yourself into thinking you can't do something, can't be something more. Remember: Argue your limitations and soon enough, they're yours. Hold that mirror up close, look straight into it, and acknowledge it. You are a wonderful but very human being.
Lesson Fifty Seven: Are you able to be confident and believe in yourself and your decisions? Do you wander back and forth, debating if you are doing the right things? Think about who you are, and stop doubting it. If you believe in yourself, so will others.
683 to go...
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Perspective
Day 56. Perspective.
Back to Illusions: The Adventures of A Reluctant Messiah, by Richard Bach. On the first day Richard opens that small suede-bound book, it begins.
Perspective - Use It or Lose It. If you turned to this page, you're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality. Think about that. Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place.
Not words for the weak at heart. This is not just an ordinary ride we're on, it's a beast of our own creation.
We often forget that the choices we make come back full circle. It sometimes takes years for that to happen, but it always does. That guy you alienated in college: next thing you know, they're on the other side of the desk at a job interview that you need to ace. The girl you hated in high school: she's now marrying your ex and will help raise your kids on the weekends.
As much thought and consideration as we put into major decisions, many times it is just those little ones that bite us later. Forgetting to change the oil in the car means engine troubles down the road. Leaving the coffeepot on all day hopefully won't burn the house down, but at least costs you a new coffee pot. Little things we can all look back on and say "man, if I had only done this differently." Small things that grow bigger in the rear view mirror. Perspective.
I'd like to say I've learned not to make the same mistakes over and over. I wish that were true. I kick myself when I see something going off the rails, knowing I could have avoided the disaster if I'd just remembered the lesson. Looking at things from the 10,000 foot level is a business perspective we can use in many aspects of life: think about things as if you were way up high, watching them happen, able to pull the strings from afar. I know I'd handle some things differently if I could only remember to step back and think about them a bit.
Most mistakes we make aren't fatal. Most just inconvenience us temporarily, I think that's why we don't really learn from them. Not that I'm advocating for bigger penalties for them, but we should at least treat them as life-changing even when they're not. The problem looks bigger when it's right in front of us, so we should learn in the present instead of viewing it as part of the past. That perspective makes us seem bigger and the problem smaller, giving us that false security that we have survived it. Don't be fooled. You dug that hole, and you'll step in it again.
Lesson Fifty Six: Do you confront your past and try to avoid making the same mistakes? Have you ever thought to yourself "not this shit again?" Think about the view as someone outside the situation, and use that perspective to kick yourself in advance for letting it happen. Again.
684 to go...
Back to Illusions: The Adventures of A Reluctant Messiah, by Richard Bach. On the first day Richard opens that small suede-bound book, it begins.
Perspective - Use It or Lose It. If you turned to this page, you're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality. Think about that. Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place.
Not words for the weak at heart. This is not just an ordinary ride we're on, it's a beast of our own creation.
We often forget that the choices we make come back full circle. It sometimes takes years for that to happen, but it always does. That guy you alienated in college: next thing you know, they're on the other side of the desk at a job interview that you need to ace. The girl you hated in high school: she's now marrying your ex and will help raise your kids on the weekends.
As much thought and consideration as we put into major decisions, many times it is just those little ones that bite us later. Forgetting to change the oil in the car means engine troubles down the road. Leaving the coffeepot on all day hopefully won't burn the house down, but at least costs you a new coffee pot. Little things we can all look back on and say "man, if I had only done this differently." Small things that grow bigger in the rear view mirror. Perspective.
I'd like to say I've learned not to make the same mistakes over and over. I wish that were true. I kick myself when I see something going off the rails, knowing I could have avoided the disaster if I'd just remembered the lesson. Looking at things from the 10,000 foot level is a business perspective we can use in many aspects of life: think about things as if you were way up high, watching them happen, able to pull the strings from afar. I know I'd handle some things differently if I could only remember to step back and think about them a bit.
Most mistakes we make aren't fatal. Most just inconvenience us temporarily, I think that's why we don't really learn from them. Not that I'm advocating for bigger penalties for them, but we should at least treat them as life-changing even when they're not. The problem looks bigger when it's right in front of us, so we should learn in the present instead of viewing it as part of the past. That perspective makes us seem bigger and the problem smaller, giving us that false security that we have survived it. Don't be fooled. You dug that hole, and you'll step in it again.
Lesson Fifty Six: Do you confront your past and try to avoid making the same mistakes? Have you ever thought to yourself "not this shit again?" Think about the view as someone outside the situation, and use that perspective to kick yourself in advance for letting it happen. Again.
684 to go...
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Habits
Day 55. Habits.
Good or bad, we all have them. I'm sure I have more than my share, possibly even borderline OCD sometimes. Most of them are things we can live with in others, but some require further consideration. Some affect our health, our finances, our peace of mind. Some go from habits to addictions.
Probably my worst is... profanity. I just can't quit it. I am much better and know when "not" to cuss, but my regular speech is... exciting. You never quite know what I might say, heck I don't even know half the time. Putting me on speakerphone is a really bad idea. It normally doesn't happen more than once with someone. I did read a study last year that said it's actually a stress relief. I must have WAY more stress than I realize.
I also count steps. To and from everywhere. I know it's 8 steps from my usual side of the bed to the bathroom, three more to the toilet. Fifteen to the kitchen, another fifteen to the front door. 154 from the front door to the mailbox. You get the picture. I at least have a fairly good reason for it. I figure if I go blind, I have a pretty good chance at finding things. Unless I take a wrong turn outside: a right instead of a left and I'm in the weird neighbors pool. Yikes.
I also alphabetize things. Books. By author, then by series if there is one, or just alphabetical by title after that. DVDs, series go together but otherwise alphabetical. Canned foods. Baked beans in front of green beans in front of navy beans, etc. Another "if I go blind," things, I can still find the right food.
I tend to use the "..." dramatic pause on the internet a lot. It probably annoys people, but... I can't help it. I also use a lot of emoticons. Again, sorry. I can't help it.
I don't really have addictions anymore. I could get used to drinking... again. I had plenty of practice as that back in the day. Aviation probably saved me from it, as I had to be clean for random alcohol tests. Weekends? Look out. I never smoked, never even lit a cigarette for anyone. Two parents that smoked like a GE power plant fixed that one.
So I think my bad habits are pretty harmless to others. My big mouth hasn't gotten my ass beat in many years, so I'm feeling pretty spunky most of the time. Hopefully no one decides to shank me over the pauses and smiley faces.
Day Fifty Five: Are your habits bad for you, or do you include others? Do you leave your dirty socks in the floor just to hear someone complain? Think about the things you do out of habit, and make sure you are just being weird and not causing damage. We need you around as long as possible.
685 to go...
Good or bad, we all have them. I'm sure I have more than my share, possibly even borderline OCD sometimes. Most of them are things we can live with in others, but some require further consideration. Some affect our health, our finances, our peace of mind. Some go from habits to addictions.
Probably my worst is... profanity. I just can't quit it. I am much better and know when "not" to cuss, but my regular speech is... exciting. You never quite know what I might say, heck I don't even know half the time. Putting me on speakerphone is a really bad idea. It normally doesn't happen more than once with someone. I did read a study last year that said it's actually a stress relief. I must have WAY more stress than I realize.
I also count steps. To and from everywhere. I know it's 8 steps from my usual side of the bed to the bathroom, three more to the toilet. Fifteen to the kitchen, another fifteen to the front door. 154 from the front door to the mailbox. You get the picture. I at least have a fairly good reason for it. I figure if I go blind, I have a pretty good chance at finding things. Unless I take a wrong turn outside: a right instead of a left and I'm in the weird neighbors pool. Yikes.
I also alphabetize things. Books. By author, then by series if there is one, or just alphabetical by title after that. DVDs, series go together but otherwise alphabetical. Canned foods. Baked beans in front of green beans in front of navy beans, etc. Another "if I go blind," things, I can still find the right food.
I tend to use the "..." dramatic pause on the internet a lot. It probably annoys people, but... I can't help it. I also use a lot of emoticons. Again, sorry. I can't help it.
I don't really have addictions anymore. I could get used to drinking... again. I had plenty of practice as that back in the day. Aviation probably saved me from it, as I had to be clean for random alcohol tests. Weekends? Look out. I never smoked, never even lit a cigarette for anyone. Two parents that smoked like a GE power plant fixed that one.
So I think my bad habits are pretty harmless to others. My big mouth hasn't gotten my ass beat in many years, so I'm feeling pretty spunky most of the time. Hopefully no one decides to shank me over the pauses and smiley faces.
Day Fifty Five: Are your habits bad for you, or do you include others? Do you leave your dirty socks in the floor just to hear someone complain? Think about the things you do out of habit, and make sure you are just being weird and not causing damage. We need you around as long as possible.
685 to go...
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Celebrations
Day 54: Celebrations.
Who doesn't love a good party? In spite of my Capricorn nature (I'm a wallflower?!?) I love a good party. I really enjoy being the life of the party. I try to make everyone feel welcome if I'm the hostess, and if I'm just a guest I try to make the rounds and meet everyone. I can be a dancing fool sometimes if the music is right, but never quite been drunk enough to sing in public. No reason not to celebrate every chance we get, life's too short to miss out.
Holidays are always good times. Company Christmas parties, LOVE THEM. Even if they do get a bit out of hand sometimes. My first aviation employer had some of those. We actually got asked not to come back to the Adams Mark in Charlotte after one particularly wild one. I think the water gun fight on the 7th floor would've been okay, if only people hadn't stripped to their underwear. Aviation people are pretty wild, I guess that's why I fit in.
Other holiday festivities are family gatherings. FOOD, oh my, the food. My Aunt Nell makes some awesome stuff, I'm a pretty decent cook too, so we can put together a feast. Nothing like hanging out at the dining room table all afternoon, back and forth to the kitchen, nibbling and laughing between bites. We had some kinda crazy ones when I was a kid, due to the one nutty parent, but it was still always good food. Can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas, SOON.
Fun times for Memorial Day weekend usually included racing at Charlotte. Camped in the infield for a number of years, but dang, I like to sleep and them drunk fool Earnhardt fans just won't settle down. Nothing worse than the year the Budweiser Frogs were popular, that stupid "WASSUP???" saying went on for HOURS. I wanted to strangle someone. Not the same since they went PC and quit having the wagon races, but the Ridges and their famous taters are still there every May.
I'm not a fan of my own birthday much, kinda old to be having a party really. But I like acknowledging others birthdays. That's why today's blog is about celebrations. Today would've been Dave's 52nd birthday. He hated celebrations for the most part, so birthdays weren't a big deal. He liked to party, a bit too much sometimes, but didn't want the party for himself. I would've made a special dinner, that's about as wild as it got for us. I'd like to think he knows what I'm writing about, and would be glad I didn't make a really big deal about it.
Today I will celebrate a life well lived. A life well loved. A life too short by mortal measurement, yet long when good things are laid end to end. This tune says it well.
Lesson Fifty Four: Do you see the joy in everyday life? Do you understand how important every day is?Celebrate even the small things, for they too are precious.
676 to go...
Who doesn't love a good party? In spite of my Capricorn nature (I'm a wallflower?!?) I love a good party. I really enjoy being the life of the party. I try to make everyone feel welcome if I'm the hostess, and if I'm just a guest I try to make the rounds and meet everyone. I can be a dancing fool sometimes if the music is right, but never quite been drunk enough to sing in public. No reason not to celebrate every chance we get, life's too short to miss out.
Holidays are always good times. Company Christmas parties, LOVE THEM. Even if they do get a bit out of hand sometimes. My first aviation employer had some of those. We actually got asked not to come back to the Adams Mark in Charlotte after one particularly wild one. I think the water gun fight on the 7th floor would've been okay, if only people hadn't stripped to their underwear. Aviation people are pretty wild, I guess that's why I fit in.
Other holiday festivities are family gatherings. FOOD, oh my, the food. My Aunt Nell makes some awesome stuff, I'm a pretty decent cook too, so we can put together a feast. Nothing like hanging out at the dining room table all afternoon, back and forth to the kitchen, nibbling and laughing between bites. We had some kinda crazy ones when I was a kid, due to the one nutty parent, but it was still always good food. Can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas, SOON.
Fun times for Memorial Day weekend usually included racing at Charlotte. Camped in the infield for a number of years, but dang, I like to sleep and them drunk fool Earnhardt fans just won't settle down. Nothing worse than the year the Budweiser Frogs were popular, that stupid "WASSUP???" saying went on for HOURS. I wanted to strangle someone. Not the same since they went PC and quit having the wagon races, but the Ridges and their famous taters are still there every May.
I'm not a fan of my own birthday much, kinda old to be having a party really. But I like acknowledging others birthdays. That's why today's blog is about celebrations. Today would've been Dave's 52nd birthday. He hated celebrations for the most part, so birthdays weren't a big deal. He liked to party, a bit too much sometimes, but didn't want the party for himself. I would've made a special dinner, that's about as wild as it got for us. I'd like to think he knows what I'm writing about, and would be glad I didn't make a really big deal about it.
Today I will celebrate a life well lived. A life well loved. A life too short by mortal measurement, yet long when good things are laid end to end. This tune says it well.
Lesson Fifty Four: Do you see the joy in everyday life? Do you understand how important every day is?Celebrate even the small things, for they too are precious.
676 to go...
Monday, November 3, 2014
Expectations
Day 53. Expectations.
One of the biggest favors we can do for others is to let them know our expectations. Sometimes in the attempt to do that, we realize just how unrealistic they might be, and make the decision to adjust them. If we can't live up to them ourselves, how can we expect other to do so?
Growing up, I knew the expectations. I thought I was meeting them. Good grades, stayed out of trouble, did my chores. It didn't spare me anything, I was on the losing end before I started. I didn't know that until I was maybe fifteen or so, and I learned I had to work around what was expected or fight back. I did a little of both. I survived. And learned.
My first adult relationship was as I ended high school. I'd dated the same guy for 4 years, and when we broke up, I figured since I was 18 I was a grownup and needed a grownup relationship. That didn't exactly mean what I thought it did. I'll admit we tried our best, but we were both way too young. And foolish. I think we expected it to be easier, that we wouldn't have to work so hard at it. It ended up that neither of us knew what we wanted, including each other. When we finally thought we'd figured it out, life came rushing in and wiped out that dream.
I plodded along a few years without really knowing what I was doing. No expectations there, I was just living day to day. Trying to keep a roof over our heads and have something to show for working like a dog every day. The kids knew what I expected of them: help around the house, good grades, don't be a jerk. I think they learned from it. I know I did, I learned you set your initial expectations low and work your way up. That way you see little goals being reached more often.
Marriage. Man, what that does to squash expectations. You go into it full of hopes and dreams, and BAM. Reality hits you. You still have to work hard, you still don't have someone who understands you as much as you thought they would, and exactly whose job is it to take out the trash? It gets muddled. You both get busy, nobody talks to each other, everything you do seems to be taken for granted and you get bitter. But did you ever speak up about what you expected? You think so. But the times you thought you were shouting loud enough to be heard in the next county, your partner wasn't listening. So again, failed dreams. Unmet expectations.
Then there's your job. If only you knew what was expected of you, right? It's not usually just what's listed on the job description. There's a lot of little things you have to do every day to get to that finish line. If you're lucky, and I have been twice now, your boss is pretty clear and you have the goal in sight. If not, good luck with that. Hopefully you can set your own standards and do the stuff that gets noticed. Otherwise you'll be looking to replace that with something that has achievable goals, with clear assignments and rules.
Friendships are full of expectations. Not unlike relationships, you expect certain things to come with friendships. Unspoken things, but everyone knows what friendship need, right? Being there when needed, not just the bad times but the good. Having a spot at the dinner table with your name on it, even though you never use it, it's there. Even on short notice, being ready for the road trip to Funland. Knowing you can call anytime, from anywhere, and the friend is there. Discussing these expectations is probably never going to happen, since friends know what friends mean. So don't go getting disappointed when you feel failed. It's your own fault. Again.
Lesson Fifty Three: Do you get disappointed easily, only to realize you didn't express what you wanted the outcome to be? Have you told someone what you wanted in advance, and was that a better result? Think about the opportunities you have to set those goals and expectations, and be sure you are being realistic when you do. Take the chance to reassure others of what you need from them, and watch for it to happen.
677 to go...
One of the biggest favors we can do for others is to let them know our expectations. Sometimes in the attempt to do that, we realize just how unrealistic they might be, and make the decision to adjust them. If we can't live up to them ourselves, how can we expect other to do so?
Growing up, I knew the expectations. I thought I was meeting them. Good grades, stayed out of trouble, did my chores. It didn't spare me anything, I was on the losing end before I started. I didn't know that until I was maybe fifteen or so, and I learned I had to work around what was expected or fight back. I did a little of both. I survived. And learned.
My first adult relationship was as I ended high school. I'd dated the same guy for 4 years, and when we broke up, I figured since I was 18 I was a grownup and needed a grownup relationship. That didn't exactly mean what I thought it did. I'll admit we tried our best, but we were both way too young. And foolish. I think we expected it to be easier, that we wouldn't have to work so hard at it. It ended up that neither of us knew what we wanted, including each other. When we finally thought we'd figured it out, life came rushing in and wiped out that dream.
I plodded along a few years without really knowing what I was doing. No expectations there, I was just living day to day. Trying to keep a roof over our heads and have something to show for working like a dog every day. The kids knew what I expected of them: help around the house, good grades, don't be a jerk. I think they learned from it. I know I did, I learned you set your initial expectations low and work your way up. That way you see little goals being reached more often.
Marriage. Man, what that does to squash expectations. You go into it full of hopes and dreams, and BAM. Reality hits you. You still have to work hard, you still don't have someone who understands you as much as you thought they would, and exactly whose job is it to take out the trash? It gets muddled. You both get busy, nobody talks to each other, everything you do seems to be taken for granted and you get bitter. But did you ever speak up about what you expected? You think so. But the times you thought you were shouting loud enough to be heard in the next county, your partner wasn't listening. So again, failed dreams. Unmet expectations.
Then there's your job. If only you knew what was expected of you, right? It's not usually just what's listed on the job description. There's a lot of little things you have to do every day to get to that finish line. If you're lucky, and I have been twice now, your boss is pretty clear and you have the goal in sight. If not, good luck with that. Hopefully you can set your own standards and do the stuff that gets noticed. Otherwise you'll be looking to replace that with something that has achievable goals, with clear assignments and rules.
Friendships are full of expectations. Not unlike relationships, you expect certain things to come with friendships. Unspoken things, but everyone knows what friendship need, right? Being there when needed, not just the bad times but the good. Having a spot at the dinner table with your name on it, even though you never use it, it's there. Even on short notice, being ready for the road trip to Funland. Knowing you can call anytime, from anywhere, and the friend is there. Discussing these expectations is probably never going to happen, since friends know what friends mean. So don't go getting disappointed when you feel failed. It's your own fault. Again.
Lesson Fifty Three: Do you get disappointed easily, only to realize you didn't express what you wanted the outcome to be? Have you told someone what you wanted in advance, and was that a better result? Think about the opportunities you have to set those goals and expectations, and be sure you are being realistic when you do. Take the chance to reassure others of what you need from them, and watch for it to happen.
677 to go...
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Innocence
Day 52. Innocence.
We all come into this world as innocents, but too quickly the lessons of life strip that from us. A bad childhood, and we become scarred for life: protecting our hearts and bodies from harm. Events while we're teenagers: we become weary of broken friendships and little white lies. As we enter adulthood, we are rightly skeptical of letting others too close, and rarely trust things we haven't seen with our own eyes. If we're lucky, our innocence lasts a quarter century, before we're barely able to see the good around us.
I admit my childhood played a big role in how I treat people, and how I interpret the way they treat me. I have always been determined to never make anyone feel the way I felt as a child. Hoping no one has to ever be afraid or intimidated by someone they love. Never wanting another person to pull away from a hug in fear they'll get slapped, or worse. I've tried to swing the pendulum the other direction: to make others feel loved from the moment we meet, to make them comfortable and safe. I feel I've done that part pretty well. I hope if I didn't, someone calls me on it. The other part of childhood innocence, feeling safe and comfortable with others? Maybe not so much.
I'm actually probably one of the most insecure people you know. Shocking, right? I question everything I say, everything I do. I try and gauge the reaction I will get, and that determines if I change my words or actions. I can't risk that alienation, not knowing how deep the hurt may be. I don't get that part right all the time. I don't just use a lot of words online, I talk with a lot of words. In hopes of explaining myself better. I might be willing to run the risk of getting my heart broken, my life torn apart, but it's not without some loss on my part. Internally contained, the fear of being abandoned by those I love is very real. I do my very best every single day not to alienate them. I play the role of a hardass on the internet to cover up my vulnerabilities. So you see how hard it is for me to write about being ALL IN, when inside I'm that scared little eight year old girl who only wanted a hug and got the back of a hand to the face? Yep, innocence lost.
I've been on this planet a little over half a century. I hope I've learned that talking about things helps get you through the bad days and into the good ones. I hope that each of us has learned to trust a little more, to love a little better, to breathe a little easier. I pray that we have all found a bit of that innocence we lost on our way to where we are now, and that we never ever take it for granted.
Lesson Fifty Eight: Have you found yourself hardened by the scars you have? Do you wish you could have a chance to do things over with someone, and change their life? Think about the look you see in the eyes of a child on Christmas morning, and try to recapture a bit of your own innocence.
678 to go...
We all come into this world as innocents, but too quickly the lessons of life strip that from us. A bad childhood, and we become scarred for life: protecting our hearts and bodies from harm. Events while we're teenagers: we become weary of broken friendships and little white lies. As we enter adulthood, we are rightly skeptical of letting others too close, and rarely trust things we haven't seen with our own eyes. If we're lucky, our innocence lasts a quarter century, before we're barely able to see the good around us.
I admit my childhood played a big role in how I treat people, and how I interpret the way they treat me. I have always been determined to never make anyone feel the way I felt as a child. Hoping no one has to ever be afraid or intimidated by someone they love. Never wanting another person to pull away from a hug in fear they'll get slapped, or worse. I've tried to swing the pendulum the other direction: to make others feel loved from the moment we meet, to make them comfortable and safe. I feel I've done that part pretty well. I hope if I didn't, someone calls me on it. The other part of childhood innocence, feeling safe and comfortable with others? Maybe not so much.
I'm actually probably one of the most insecure people you know. Shocking, right? I question everything I say, everything I do. I try and gauge the reaction I will get, and that determines if I change my words or actions. I can't risk that alienation, not knowing how deep the hurt may be. I don't get that part right all the time. I don't just use a lot of words online, I talk with a lot of words. In hopes of explaining myself better. I might be willing to run the risk of getting my heart broken, my life torn apart, but it's not without some loss on my part. Internally contained, the fear of being abandoned by those I love is very real. I do my very best every single day not to alienate them. I play the role of a hardass on the internet to cover up my vulnerabilities. So you see how hard it is for me to write about being ALL IN, when inside I'm that scared little eight year old girl who only wanted a hug and got the back of a hand to the face? Yep, innocence lost.
I've been on this planet a little over half a century. I hope I've learned that talking about things helps get you through the bad days and into the good ones. I hope that each of us has learned to trust a little more, to love a little better, to breathe a little easier. I pray that we have all found a bit of that innocence we lost on our way to where we are now, and that we never ever take it for granted.
Lesson Fifty Eight: Have you found yourself hardened by the scars you have? Do you wish you could have a chance to do things over with someone, and change their life? Think about the look you see in the eyes of a child on Christmas morning, and try to recapture a bit of your own innocence.
678 to go...
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Passionate
Day 51. Passionate.
If there's one word I would use to describe myself, that would be it. Passionate. About everything. Nothing worth doing can be done halfway. ALL IN. You can't expect the best when you don't give your best ALL IN. If you're not will to risk everything, you'll never have anything. ALL IN.
One of my passions is of course, writing. The opposite of that is another: reading. I've been a avid reader my whole life. My Gramma Tut worked for Doubleday Books, and she would always bring home lots of books she bought at the employee sales. There were always kids books and always some of the classics. She had an awesome set of all the classics, leatherbound special editions, on bookcases in the living room. I read them during the summers I spent up there as a teen. I have a pretty big collection now, paperbacks mostly. My favorites are science fiction, spy thrillers, and military fiction. Big fan of Nelson Demille, Dale Brown, and Terry Goodkind. But I read almost anything, except the romance fluff.
Another passion is racing. All the series. From the modifieds that race at Bowman Gray Stadium in Winston-Salem, to the trucks, MotoGP bikes, Red Bull planes, Formula One, the NASCAR Cup Series. If someone that knows me needs an answer about racing, I'm their gal. I've been a fan most of my life, we started going to Charlotte and Darlington when I was a kid. I remember going to some GP races at Charlotte with my dad and Uncle Eddie, where the Porsche we were pulling for had three noses replaced and was still in it to win it. I've been to more NASCAR races than I can count. I have a collection of driver memorabilia I need to dust off, maybe the spare room will become the race room again.
We can't forget politics. I wasn't so interested until I was about 40, and started realizing how many freedoms we give up to people who would rule us. The explosion of the internet has fueled my interest: there's so much more information out there we can arm ourselves with. All it takes is a little initiative and you can become involved in something that's way bigger than any one person. I really get passionate about military matters, and abortion. I'm as big an advocate for the first as I am opponent of the second.
I am also passionate about passion. I think that the connections we make with each other as humans is what gets us through this life, into the next. We can only hope to find that someone that makes the time pass so slowly that it seems to stop. We are blessed if we find the person that's the ying to our yang, the piece of the jigsaw puzzle that has the outtie to match our innie. If we're lucky, it's a long life ahead of us, and it will get really lonely if we don't have that someone. If we're not so lucky, we have to find more than one. I don't believe all that soulmate stuff. I think our idea of a perfect relationship can change, and you can't bind yourself to a set of rules that might not always work. I do think you can have connections that are magical, and untouchable by time. Or space. Or others.
Lesson Fifty One: What are the things you are passionate about? Do you feel strongly enough about something that you'd risk EVERYTHING for it? Remember how it feels, how right it is, and realize that something worth fighting for is exactly why we're here.
679 to go...
If there's one word I would use to describe myself, that would be it. Passionate. About everything. Nothing worth doing can be done halfway. ALL IN. You can't expect the best when you don't give your best ALL IN. If you're not will to risk everything, you'll never have anything. ALL IN.
One of my passions is of course, writing. The opposite of that is another: reading. I've been a avid reader my whole life. My Gramma Tut worked for Doubleday Books, and she would always bring home lots of books she bought at the employee sales. There were always kids books and always some of the classics. She had an awesome set of all the classics, leatherbound special editions, on bookcases in the living room. I read them during the summers I spent up there as a teen. I have a pretty big collection now, paperbacks mostly. My favorites are science fiction, spy thrillers, and military fiction. Big fan of Nelson Demille, Dale Brown, and Terry Goodkind. But I read almost anything, except the romance fluff.
Another passion is racing. All the series. From the modifieds that race at Bowman Gray Stadium in Winston-Salem, to the trucks, MotoGP bikes, Red Bull planes, Formula One, the NASCAR Cup Series. If someone that knows me needs an answer about racing, I'm their gal. I've been a fan most of my life, we started going to Charlotte and Darlington when I was a kid. I remember going to some GP races at Charlotte with my dad and Uncle Eddie, where the Porsche we were pulling for had three noses replaced and was still in it to win it. I've been to more NASCAR races than I can count. I have a collection of driver memorabilia I need to dust off, maybe the spare room will become the race room again.
We can't forget politics. I wasn't so interested until I was about 40, and started realizing how many freedoms we give up to people who would rule us. The explosion of the internet has fueled my interest: there's so much more information out there we can arm ourselves with. All it takes is a little initiative and you can become involved in something that's way bigger than any one person. I really get passionate about military matters, and abortion. I'm as big an advocate for the first as I am opponent of the second.
I am also passionate about passion. I think that the connections we make with each other as humans is what gets us through this life, into the next. We can only hope to find that someone that makes the time pass so slowly that it seems to stop. We are blessed if we find the person that's the ying to our yang, the piece of the jigsaw puzzle that has the outtie to match our innie. If we're lucky, it's a long life ahead of us, and it will get really lonely if we don't have that someone. If we're not so lucky, we have to find more than one. I don't believe all that soulmate stuff. I think our idea of a perfect relationship can change, and you can't bind yourself to a set of rules that might not always work. I do think you can have connections that are magical, and untouchable by time. Or space. Or others.
Lesson Fifty One: What are the things you are passionate about? Do you feel strongly enough about something that you'd risk EVERYTHING for it? Remember how it feels, how right it is, and realize that something worth fighting for is exactly why we're here.
679 to go...
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