Reasons

Day 73. Reasons.

Sometimes I just have one simple question: Why? No hidden meanings, not looking to solve the problems of the world, just plain and simple: Why? Why do my keys always fall to the bottom of my purse? Why can't the dogs realize I have to put my shoes on before we go outside? Why do people always have to make things difficult?

Everything is exactly as it is for a reason. The crumb on your table is no mystical reminder of this morning's cookie, it is there because you have chosen not to remove it. No exceptions.” Richard Bach, Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul

As we've talked about being frozen in time, stuck in a seemingly unchangeable situation, living a life that is satisfying but not complete, I can't help but wonder: Why? I think the answer is as simple as Richard says. There's a reason for everything. We just have to figure out what that might be, and work out how to make the changes we know we need.

I fully admit I haven't been as proactive as I should have been about making changes that were long overdue. I can look back and count the opportunities I missed to do something different, to make another choice, to put myself in a better position. As the song says, "I've watched your love command you, and I've watched love pass you by." Rather than hurt others (which I now know I can't do, they allow themselves to be hurt), rather than lose face (never let them see your weaknesses), I've left cards on the table untouched. Didn't even peek at them, I left them face down, like pictures of a ex on the beside table. Scared to look at them, but even more afraid to throw them away.

I've skipped out on doing things that would've changed my career. I could've managed to pay for college, but I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to do. I took some courses at the community college to get the core stuff out of the way, but never did much with any of it. I think partially because I never was sure I would succeed. I figured it was easier to be a smart fish in a small pond than a big one. I've had jobs where I was thought of as one of the smartest people there, but never rose to any great height. Never wanted power either, I'm happy to be the one depended on but not in charge of others. More of a "doer" than a leader, but I can see where I should've done things different.

Maybe we call those things "reasons" to make ourselves feel better. I'm not sure they aren't excuses. Probably not all of them, but I know some are conscious choices to avoid possible outcomes that won't make us look... optimal. Not sure about all the concern about appearances: the people that matter, the ones that truly love us, and know our love for them, they know our truths. No secrets, no faking our way through things: they know our true selves.

Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world. Illusions.

Lesson Seventy Three: Are you holding onto someone or something to avoid a future you aren't entirely sure about? Do you delay decisions in fear of losing friendships, or love? Think about the things you know you want to change, and the reasons you haven't done anything about them. Changing your stars is easy: you begin by picking up the crumbs of the past, and tossing them into the bin of history.

657 to go...