Day 18

Day 18...

Another lonely park, Another Sunday... wait. It's Monday. Never mind. Just another Manic Monday.... that's more like it. Random thought day, it seems. Which isn't really THAT unusual, I just don't write them all down. When I started blogging again, I had that thought. Then I realized I might scare people. So I'm trying to keep them reined in a bit. Yesterday we talked about being offended/hurt by things people say. Not people we know, but people we see or read about. You know my feelings on it, I really don't care much about what others say. Making themselves look stupid is their choice. Letting them hurt me with their words is mine.

Remember that book, Illusions? The author, Richard Bach, is probably more famous for Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but he has other books as well. One. no, that's the title. It talks about relationships, soulmates, love. One of the lessons in it is that other people can't hurt you unless you give them that power. That's kind of where I was going yesterday. People are stupid sometimes. They say stupid things. Sometimes they do them on purpose, to hurt others. I've said before you can never truly forgive someone, and this is another reason why you have to think before you speak. If your words do cause someone pain, its on you to deal with the consequences. Your responsibility is to not let you hurt them. If you never give anyone the power to hurt you, they never will. Growing up with a parent that beat the crap out of me for just breathing, I learned not to show pain or fear. The more someone realizes they can't hurt you, the weaker they become. Fighting back isn't always an option, but fighting from the inside is always a choice. If they can't reach you, they can't hurt you.

We do have to be careful with building walls to keep out the pain. Walls don't just protect us, they also isolate us. We can't hide behind them, we can't stop loving some just because others hurt us. We need to allow those who would comfort us, protect us, love us to get inside the walls. Be sure and give them the key to the secret entrance, and don't ever let the bad guys inside. It will be like a live game of Castle Defense. The bad guys will keep coming. Sometimes they'll turn out to be someone you gave a key to once. Not your fault, people are tricky. But don't ever doubt that everyone you let inside the walls might not stay there forever. Sometimes there really is an enemy within. Heck, sometimes the enemy is even ourselves.

We all fight to protect the innocent, the scared. We can become victims of ourselves, if we isolate ourselves too far within our walls. I've done that before. To keep from getting hurt, I withdraw. I start going through the motions, basically "faking" life to keep from getting hurt. Instead of confronting my fear, I let it define me. Not my proudest moments, but I've been learning how not to do that. I've said before that you have to run the risk of losing everything to gain what you really want in life. Don't let your walls minimize that risk for you.

Lesson Eighteen: Do you use your walls as defense or offense? Do you let people inside your "circle of trust" easily, or do you hold back? Have you been hurt by someone and later realized that you let them do it? What can you teach yourself by not being so worried about others opinions and more concerned with your personal growth? Think about how people use words to control each other.

712 to go..